FUCK!!

No other title really helps to yell out other than that one at the moment.
I am in the shit financially and thought I had a way out but this morning I had my phone temporarily disconnected.
I have never had this happen in my life and the bill is large due to two changes of address in recent months.
I am positive that I can make my way out of it somehow but right now, when I have moved away from my life... the phone was a last connection to people that I miss and love.
2013 really is going to be a year of change for me and possibly that is going to have to mean no phone.
I am trying to be diplomatic but I just want to run out in the street and lie on the footpath crying and screaming FUCK IT... until someone comes and takes me away to a padded cell.

The Year From Hell

I have been missing in action for quite a while.  Miss me anyone?

I have been facing the demons in my life and there was one that really needed some hard work to get rid of... he's gone now.

This year my relationship of 13 years ended.  My husband turned out to be less than the ideal man to be sharing my life and trust with. He cheated on me, broke unimaginable boundaries and emotionally scarred me for life. 

That is over. I have taken the year to look at the situation... fight my battles and make my life plans....

At the start of October I moved my children from North Canterbury to Tauranga... where I am forging a new path for us and have been accepted into the Bachelor of Nursing at Bay of Plenty Polytechnic, starting at the end of January next year.

My kids are settled and doing well.

I am facing each day as it comes and trying to find my way in life as a single mum of four, not an easy task by any stretch of the imagination.  There is still combined debt from the relationship, we had no home, no assets...

I have moved with $1000 in my pocket and, with the help of very great friends, have started to rebuild my life.  We don't have much but we have each other and we have a positive way forward without a narcissistic man controlling our lives.

I hope you all come back and join me on my new path....

And anyone interested in my health and fitness struggles and can come and join me at Destination Goddess where I am about to make some big changes....

Silppers and Socks

Not really a heading that has anything to do with anything but it jumped into my head so there it goes.

My life is getting more and more busy with a thousand and one things always on the To Do List. 

Actually, that makes me think it may be time to write a list on all the things I need to get done.

I have found my blogging journey has changed quite a over the last couple of years.  It used to be my every day thing, had to write, had to dish out my opinions and musings to those who dared listen.  I had to read other's blogs all the time, it was like going to the pub without the beer and singing along to the juke box.  The advent of Fakebook probably had a lot to do with my downturn in literary spoutings.  It's the "instant gratification" buzz of having someone respond so quickly without much effort on my behalf.  Which last night got me thinking - do I even talk to many people at all any more? Do I visit or phone anyone?  When did I last write a bloody letter??  After much thought and self analysis I came to the conclusion that life has taken a bit of a downward spiral in the communication stakes.

I used to pride myself on my use of the English language, my ability to keep in contact with people and my track record of maintaining old friendships.  Now, if you're not on Fakebook or texting me back, then we probably haven't been chewing the fat for a long while.  Even emails seem too much hard work.

So my goal for the next week - amongst catching up on four assignments, getting started on another two, exercising, mothering, farming, learning off of my endurance mentor, cleaning and my Board of Trustees duties - is to write a letter to an old friend and, here's the big challenge, ACTUALLY SEND IT.

I challenge you to do the same, comment and let me know who you are going to write to and why and a bit of the history.  I will give you the same courtesy - I will be writing to the lass who read a reading at my wedding and then proceeded to fall asleep on the toilet at the venue later on in the night and get locked in after everyone had left.  Those are the mates you should never stop communicating with.

Buddha Arse

That's me at the moment. I am sitting at the computer looking at my reflection in the window and I'm looking awfully like a buddha, except there is no gleeful little smile on my dial.

So what has happened in the last four months??

Sian has spent another two nights in hospital, going by ambulance both times for her asthma. The last time was at 2.30am in the morning and when the ambulance finally made it all the way out here her oxygen stats were only 77!! I was very scared - it's a long 45 minute drive from here to Christchurch Hospital and she was on oxygen and ventolin by nebuliser the whole way there with the oxygen stats not even lifting that much...

She seems to have come through the other side of it though and just went through a really bad flu without having to be hospitalised which was a great bonus.

Now she is back at preschool three days a week which is brilliant for me and my study.

I have been very busy with my Naturopathy units and have a couple to get in before I finish Module 1 of 7. Took me a while to get over the fact that I had to redo a lot of the units that I have already passed and have NZQA recognition for but once I got there eventually. Sometimes you just have to let things go....

Anyway, my new motto is:

We can not become what we need to be by remaining what we are - Max Dupree

Wherethefuckareyou???

Wow, how time has flown when life is hectic and crazy.

Sian has been very sick with asthma for the past 5 weeks and has been on prednisone for 4 out of those 5 weeks. Ended up in hospital again and it's just been one thing after another.

And then a very special wee friend of ours died tragically just over a week ago.

You can read about it here.

If you watch the video, Blair is the pall bearer at the front left, with the glasses on.

Sophia was very special to our family, her grandparents are two of our closest friends and she called us Aunty and Uncle. She was a dear friend to our kids and they shared a special bond. I spoke at the funeral and read this poem that I wrote quickly the night before:

Soar now beautiful girl
On to your next journey
Plenty of adventure before you
Heartbreak and sorrow left behind
Indigo child set free to find
A fresh place to cast your spell

Perfectly you were presented
Euphorically received
Nan and pop amazed by your fire
Dragon all the way
Ropes would never bind you
And no limits would you accept
Gutsy and determined
One mission at a time
New mates around every corner

Would this social butterfly find
Accepting of all our flaws
Loving unconditionally each one of us
Laughing infectiously , spontaneous
Affectionate with those twinkling eyes
Can’t imagine life with no Boo in it
Even as I tearfully say my goodbye...

so I plead with you to make the most of the time you have with each and every one of your special friends and family, you just never know when their time is up..

Whom I Be Rolling With #3

All the old time readers of my intelligent and witty musings will perhaps recall when I did a little thing on the odd occasion called "Whom I Be Rolling With".

This was what the overall gist of it was:

Now you all know what I blog about, from the comments you can see who is reading and commenting. So I thought, to let you into what I enjoy, I will give you an insight into what I enjoy reading.


There will be four categories:


Mod Cons: Blogs that I am just starting to enjoy.


Faithfuls: My favourites, the girls or boys that are my comfort, my ears, my daily reads, laughs and from whom I take the most life lessons from.


Antiques: Those that have gone, maybe to come back, maybe not, some missing in action.


and


The Secret Drawer: The password blogs. Those that I have the privilege of being invited to read.


Now I have titled them all based on household items, I don't know why, I just have.


The Mod Cons are the new gadgets, the little things that you're glad you have discovered to make life easier or better.


The Faithfuls are the comfort blankets, the old cushions, the favourite chair, the best place in the house, life would be hard without them.


The Antiques are the old treasures in your house. They timeless, valuable yet you don't use them anymore...


and the Secret Drawer, well that's where you hide the vibrator!!! The good things that for whatever reason aren't left on the kitchen table.

So those were the rules

So here we go again:

My current Mod Con is Irish Daughter. This woman is a salt of the earth lass with much to offer our blogging world, she has only recently started and has not blogged for a bit but she is so dear to me that I have to have her as my mod con. She is doing it hard raising three young ones on her own. Go give her some support. Tell her I sent you.

My Faithfuls, so many of you. Who has touched me this month of March? I would have to say Memphis Steve, for kindly sharing the link to my post about my fallen pal. Steve is outspoken, (pot - kettle - black) but has a heart that is open to one and all. He sure knows how to get a contentious issue going and for that I love reading him. He has a soft spot for the beautiful Aussie girls and is not one to back away from any issue. Go have a read, tell him the Kiwi girl sent you.

The Antique, and god do I miss her, is Steph at Much Ado About Sumthin. She went missing a while ago, came back, went away again, and lately her blog appears private so I don't know where my antique has gone, maybe one day she'll turn up on Antique's Roadshow??

And hiding in the Secret Drawer is ..... Wanna B Slim, one crazy Tazzie girl who loves to ride her bike and drink scotch. She hasn't posted for a while but she better start again or I'll have to come and kick her arse. She is a battler and a great mum and is so great to have as a blog friend and she sends the best homemade Christmas Cards ever.

Anonymous My Arse

Firstly, new post at Destination Goddess for those that care..


Last year I lived nearer my parents.

Surrounding us is a leased farm that is run by my new neighbour's friend.

Today we had a yarn, nice bloke, although the quickly bought to my attention that he knew that I had complained about him dumping truckloads of pig effluent on his paddocks a couple of times last year.

He was right, I had, the stuff was disgusting and he was dumping it 22 times a day for a while there....

The thing that bloody gets me is that I was repeatedly told that the complaint was anonymous, so were my neighbours. And yet Ecan decided to give him a copy of all the people that had phoned and complained about him, how many times and when. Fuckers.

He was pretty good about it considering he had to pay a $1,100 fine to attend a meeting about it....

Still