The Path Twists Again

Just when you think you are on the right road, the destination in sight, again with the bloody roadworks, the detour, the path twists again.

The last week has been a reality check for me. I had started to live the dream rather than take the steps towards achieving the dream. Someone wise once said it's not about the destination, it's the journey. Or something along those lines.

I have withdrawn from my equine course. The childcare costs were going to be along the lines of $300 a week. The end dream is my own stud farm so it makes more sense to be saving that money towards the dangling carrot of land rather than swanning around at a course where, to be fair, I would have a shit load of fun riding etc but a lot of the content was pretty damn basic. Could pick it up volunteering at a local stud even ........

Where does this leave me?

Firstly, huge falling out with Dad, inevitable, so currently looking for another rental to tide us over until we get together the required deposit, which incidentally is nearly 50% of the purchase price of land. Yup, you need $100,000 deposit to buy a $200,000 10 acre block these days. For fucks sake!!!!!

Options are being tossed around so we won't give up hope.

House and land packages are an option but seems like a pain in the anus to have to pay some other wanker to build us a house when Blair is a qualified builder......

What the hell have you all been up to??

Ahoy there

I am alive.

I really am.

Life is pretty great.

I am riding heaps, had a bad fall in mid January and ended up in hospital on IV antibiotics due to a septic wound on my left arm. Still having troubles with that arm but a muscular thing in the deltoids so should sort soon.

My course starts in 3 weeks. Crazy.

Everyone else on the course ranges in age from 18 - 21. Bwwwaaahhhhaaaahhhhaaaa. I am really going to have to struggle to maintain my believe that I am entitled to be there. And I am really going to have to try really hard not to become the mother hen.

I have put a deposit on a beautiful Arabian mare, she's chestnut and I'm hoping to train her up for endurance and then breed from her. The dream is coming true.

I am seeing a personal trainer twice a week. She used to be the coach/selector for the England Under 16 hockey team. She is tough but fair and she lives across the road so is great motivation.

I am developing muscles that I never knew existed. Especially those side abs. No wonder most of the horsey girls have such great legs and figures.

Kids are great, Phoebe starts school in 8 weeks, my how time has flown.

We are loving and hating the new house at the same time. Lovely to be in brand new home, sunset is to die for, peace and tranquility but I am constantly having to remind Dad to do things for the house, he's so busy that I don't blame him for not having it as a priority but Blair isn't so understanding. Ben has no light, we have no bars in the wardrobes to hang clothes no, no curtains except in bedrooms, fire still not installed, ensuite toilet doesn't work, spa bath not hooked up, the list goes on .......

So Blair wants to move on. I understand this too. It's bloody hard being the one in the middle.

If we move again I would have lived in 37 houses since birth. LOL.

Right, must fly, have to do housework and I really must wipe Sian's bum too.

And The Teenies Begin ...

Firstly, I'd like to say that the Teenies sounds as bloody stupid as the Noughties.

My absence has been noted by many and that is a nice thing. When I finally got the blooming internet on here we were informed that we are too far out for broadband and we are currently having to deal with dial up internet. Seriously, in 2010 we are having to operate on a system that's current speed is maxing out at 31.2 kbps. Seriously. You may now understand my lack of updates because it's a bloody time sapper to even get a post loaded. It has curbed my internet addiction and paved the way for my life to be a bit more active and involved.

I have had some fucken ups and downs, when don't I?
When don't we all? I am learning that life is just that. If it runs too smoothly then you aren't really living, right?

I start my course in about 8 weeks and have a busy schedule of increased time in the saddle leading up to the 8th of March. The body is taking a pummeling. Fell off just before Christmas, which was a good confidence booster, silly as that may sound, it made me realise I can still fall off and get up again.

My dear husband has been away working in Auckland since 26th Dec and is not back until the 18th Jan. Solo parenting four kids is hard. I won't lie. Usually I take it in my stride but when it's day after day with no break, you start to appreciate what input the other half contributes to family life.

Phoebe has sailed through Glandular Fever relatively unscathed. Sian has proven she has an allergy to grass with quite severe reactions when she walked out into the large paddock just before the hay was cut.

Peta, Ben and I went to a great wedding last Sunday up country. Was nice and relaxed and fun was had by all, although a wedding is definitely time to notice the absence of your husband.

I will be around. Not as often with the current state of internet, seeing as it takes about 5 minutes for one of your blog pages to load onto my fucken screen, I will read when I can.

Shit Hole Day

I am officially at the end of my fucken tether.

I have had it up to my fucken eyeballs with everyone else's shit.

I really feel like lying down on the floor and crying until I die.

I am in the middle of packing the whole house myself, and cleaning it myself. I find out that Mum and Dad have not gotten around to some things with the new house.

eg
No curtains
No fire installed
No shelves in pantry
No Letter fucken box
No phone line into the property

I know my father and know he is a procrastinator and I also know that he is extremely busy at the moment, working 7 days a week as a consulting engineer. But for fuck's sake, if you are going to ask us to move into your property at least do the flipping basics, so that my husband isn't going to go off his fucken tree at me about the lack of them!!!

And I just keep getting the whole "you are getting a brand new house to rent for a hundred less than you'd get it on the market". Yes, I know but I also have to put up with my parents as landlord's and I also have to put up with the "rules" and I also have to put up with all the day to day shit of living in your property so get the fuck over yourself and sort it out.

I have two days left, Blair is away until Friday night with work, Phoebe has glandular fever so the girls can't go to preschool on their allocated days, I have two toddlers in my flipping face and I can't get a fucken thing done.

I have the most intense feeling of depression I've had for a while. And all this comes after the weekend from hell with Blair and I on verge of separating with issues beyond us.

I need alcohol I.V. administered STAT

Phoebe has ...

Glandular Fever.

Never thought I'd be so damn happy for a result to be glandular fever but considering the other option was leukaemia, I am ecstatic.

Thank you all so much for your concern.

Love to all. Hug your kids, kiss your loved ones, put a smile on your dial.

And still the sickness carrys on ....

Sian is sick again, virus.

Phoebe, not sure whats eating her.

She has been generally very tired for no reason, bleeding noses, dark rings under her eyes, bruises all over her, pinprick rash on her buttocks which won't go away with steroid cream even, grumpy, lost a bit of weight!! Now she has 5 really prominent lymph nodes in her neck enlarged but they aren't hurting her so at least that's a relief.

Off to the doctor today to see what's going on as I've never seen her with raised lymph nodes before. Hope she doesn't have strep throat or glandular fever!!! Fingers crossed.

I have had two very sick girls.

Flu of some sort, Dr has put them on antibiotics. Wee cherubs.

I am in the process of tidying out the office/study.

What a bloody mission.

How does one accumulate so much crap??

I am determined to clear it all out, I am over the whole clutter scenario.

Something about the prospect of moving into a new house is making me want to have a bare minimum of stuff to go into it.

So I am cleansing. Can only be a good thing.

I haven't been reading your blogs, I am sorry but I have had too much on. I will be back there soon. Promise.xx