Remember that it takes 48 muscles to frown and only 5 to slap the crap out of someone!!
One of my biggest ailments in stress.
It plays havoc with my health, my emotional wellbeing and my weight.
I have many daily stresses and they are big ones.
My counsellor pointed out to me last night that she has one major stress at the moment that she is dealing with. I am dealing with at least 8 and I have to do something about it and quickly - or die. Seriously, it is that grim.
I am currently working through ways to limit the stress.
You can help.
Give me your ideas about possible solutions. Pick one from the list, two, or all of them if you're keen.
A problem shared is a problem halved.
My Current Stress List:
1. Wife of Big Boss, lives up north, controls all of the accounts, constantly fucks up, gets stressed at me for not doing things her way and then I have to redo things correctly later on. She will not talk to me on the phone, will only email.
2. Workshop administrator leaves tomorrow, I will be doing two jobs for at least a month.
3. Blair gets his license back in 8 weeks. We will get through Xmas and then have to get him back to work. Then have the stress of childcare, along with the cost and for how long?
4. Getting to Aussie, we need to get there, do we send Blair to work here and save slowly and get nowhere fast or do we do it hard in the New Year, send him to Aussie say February to get a job and then we get there a lot sooner?
5. Sister, can I please have some advice on how to stop worrying about the MRI results that she doesn't get until Oct 6th?
6. Finances, struggling to get by on our one wage, really struggling.
7. Kids, they are missing me hugely. Ben especially. It's hard!!
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9 comments:
1. Send parcel bomb to boss's wife.
2. demand two pay packets for doing two jobs.
3. You would qualify for childcare subsidy?
4. Yep, send Blair to Aussy sooner rather than later. Either way you will still have to pay childcare!
5. No matter how much you worry, you still won't know till Oct 6th, so accept that and move on.
6. Get help from WINZ?
7. Just spend every moment you can with them, make it special times.. and give each child One on One special time with their MUM. It might just be going out into the yard for a hug or read a book ... but it helps.
I hope some of that helps mate.
OK suggestion Number 1. is only a JOKE... if anyone reads that and thinks I'm friggin serious!
From the stressing out queen (who realises its all much easier said than done):
1. Realise you cannot change this without causing significantly more stress. Find easiest way to roll eyes and get on with picking up after her. After all, work is just like home - your underpaid and as the only smart person there, your do all the work.
2. Accept that nobody can adequately perform 2 jobs. You cannot and will not succeed. Prioritise, and accept that not everything can be done. Sacrifice the few for the good of the many.
3. Accept that this is a difficult time. Life is all ups AND downs. This is for a finite period, and as it is a down, it must be followed with an up.
4. Send him ahead. Again its for a finite time. Bad times arent fun whether they are a little hard or alot hard. Do it hard and tough and fast. Just like a band aid.
5. Hardest of all. Accept that worrying will not do any good, and that it is also impossible to stop. You cannot change the outcome, so know simply that if news is good you will be happy and celebrate. And if it is bad, know that you will work through it, together. What will be will be, and you will be there. Often a hand to hold/shoulder to cry on is more helpful.
6. Again, finite time. Evaluate what matters, and to offset the guilt of (especially your kids) "missing out" on things, figure out a large item that would be awesome, and make the decision that once the situation improves you will get it. Once the finances are better, continue a little longer as poorly as you are, using the extra money to get that special item. If you have a reward it is often easier to bear.
7. Quality vs quantity.
All of that advice is hard to follow, and maybe not useful. The best piece of advise anyone can give is, especially nowadays, is to admit to yourself that you ARENT superwoman, she doesnt exist. You cant do OR have it all, no-one can. So prioritise and learn to let things go, truly let them go and not think about them or feel guilty.
Nobodies perfect, and nobody ever gets everything they want, because there will always be SOMETHING that can be better. Life is the journey, the destination is the end, so make sure you have some fun along the way, because there isnt any once you get to the end.
Ok, easier said than done but first things first, try to focus on things you CAN control!
It's human nature to worry about test results - I found a lump in my breast a few years back following a miscarriage, I was told there was a 95% chance it would amount to nothing (which it did) - funny how I focussed on that other 5% though. In 4 days your sister will have her results, try to just remain positive for yourself and for her!
As to the kids missing you! That's a tough one, and one I know only too well, it's par for the course with working parents and for what it's worth my advice is to really focus on the quality of time you spend with them - who gives a shit if the housework remains undone or anything else waits - the kids are what matters, everything else somehow just falls into place.
Work politics suck - in regards to the accounts being stuffed up, try explaining (even if it is by email) the lengths you have to go to to correct things.
As to doing 2 jobs - do the best you can, if it can't all get done surely they can't complain too loudly, after all it's unrealistic to think they can dump the extra work on you - when they could have hired a temp.
Most importantly when dealing with stress there's a couple of things you NEED to do. 1) take time out for yourself to do something just for you and 2) do whatever it takes to handle it - have an outlet, talk about things because you're right a problem shared really is a problem halved.
As to moving to Australia - well sooner rather than later would be better, I mean with great people like me over here how could you possibly want to be anywhere else. :-) But the opportunities are endless here ATM - there's heaps of jobs, child care rebates have never been better etc etc
Hope some of this has helped!
1. Look for another job! If that's not an option, don't bring work worries home, turn them of as you leave the office. The email contact could be so that she has a record, can be a good thing but a bit of phone contact would be good as well. Maybe you could phone her from time to time.
2. Just tell them you will try, but you can only do so much. Maybve suggest a temp, maybe request others help with the work load.
3. Look in childcare subsidies. Blair goes back to work, can you stop working?
4. Send Blair over before you.
5. I've been in this boat, hard as it is there is nothing at all you can do until the results are in.
6. Look at other ways to cut corners, maybe a summer garden for veges, buy kids clothes of TradeMe, sell unused items on Trademe, sales for pressies.
7. Have to agree quality time.
Now if I write you a list - can you help me out!
1. e-mail big bosses wife and tell her you need her to phone you. If she doesn't then call her and say you want to talk about this mistakes that are occuring (in a way that implies you don't understand how they are happening, rather then impling shes an idiot and is making things really difficult. lol
If that fails then ask to see your direct superior and go over the above issues with them. You SHOULD not have to be blames for someone elses stuff ups.
2. See your direct supervisor/boss and say you want to discuss 'remuneration' to cover the extra duties while you are doing them.
3. Don't let childcare be a stress, its just part of life so best get on top of it and have good solid arrangements in place as it isn't going to go away anytime soon. I know people may only think I have one so its not so difficult, but for three years I also had my two (twin) neices who were born with brain damage so have juggled childcare for three pre-schoolers for just over 3 years. (its a matter of having a solid plan in place that works for you. At one stage I was dropping my daughter at one day care, then double tracking to drop the girls at another facility that opened 1/2an hour later. It worked out to be better to pay someone 2 hours each morning to come in, organise breakfast and ferry everyone to daycare, rather then having to leave the house at 6am in order to make it to work on time. (and was more cost effective too).
4. If $$ is an important factor, then definitely send Blair ahead to start earning sooner rather then later.
5. As Chris has said, if the results aren't through until the 6th then there is nothing you can do to change what the outcome will be. No amount of stressing yourself out will effect the result. Its easy to say 'don't worry about something you can't change' but the reality is another thing so its important to find another way to get through these days. (Talk to someone and share how your feeling, Tell Blair you need a HUGE hug, do whatever works)
6. I don't have any great ideas on this one as I'm sure you have already made cut backs and looked to see what WFF's you are entitled to.
7. Its not forever. I know its not ideal but tell them you love them and miss them when your working BUT let them know its a temporary thing. They may think this is their life now and are hating it. Reassure them of how much you love them and explain that your working at the moment for a reason, but it won't always be like this.
Ok, I have written far to much, and most of it you have probably done anyway. Stress is awful and certainly does/can effect your health but its like a lot of things in life. Don't take on stress that isn't yours (ie, your bosses wife), and work towards solutions for things you can change.
It won't always be like this Jules so try not to feel like there is no end to the way things are at the moment.
I'm sorry there isn't more I can say or do to help. I'm thinking of you darl.
What great advice from everyone. Hope things get better for you soon x
Farrrk the lot of it and move to Aussie ASAP!!!!....it's great over here:)
Wish I could help, but wake up in the middle of the night with a thumping heart and tight chest myself...thought I had it licked but its back again...
Re missing time with the kids...thats hard. Are they old enough for you to be able to explain the situation? If not and as well just hold them a lot when you are there and let them know how much you love them by actions like this. Not much help I know. I feel for you
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