Monday, March 31, 2008
Friday, March 28, 2008
When I was younger I used to think that I would always be successful and famous and that the fact I liked the cold water tap blasting when I brushed my teeth would be mentioned in a piece written about my desire for fast paced success. This was at age 12!!
I have a crazy habit of knowing that things are about to run out, example when your moisturiser gets harder to get a good dollop out, I turn it upside down, I flick it vigourously to get the remnants to the bottom of the tube and I can milk the bloody thing for a couple of weeks this way. The thing I don't understand, a major flaw in my powers of perception perhaps, but when it finally gives up and has nothing more to give I never had a backup, it's like I had no idea it was on it's last legs. What the fuck is up with that??
I believe in karma, reincarnation, souls and free will.
Blair's mother's dog is tiny, about 11 years old, it's a long haired chihauhau and it looks like a tiny black and tan border collie. Like tiny!! It has a massive tumour coming out of it's nipple, has had it growing for over a year and the woman has neglected to take it to the vet. Now it is an issue that I can't ignore and Blair is talking about calling the SPCA on her cos she won't do anything about it.
What a bitch.
I think I have a fat mound. You know, the bits that your pubes reside on?? Well, how do you tone that area up??
What is up with pubes?? Why are they so mean looking? I mean normal hair is soft and flows. Pubic hair is coarse, wirey, and just looks aggressive. It's just not nice.
Have a good weekend
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
So I have sulked and whinged and dwelled on things for bloody ages.
I just had a big cry to my Mum on the phone.
I have decided to put a big focus on making me happy, the rest should all fall into place.
The first thing I need to do is get some counselling for me re the rape, weight, self esteem.
I am on to that today.
I have put Blair in charge of the money, I am over organising it and taking the stress. Time for him to step up and be the man about the house.
I have my weight watchers and my dog training, that is my time out but I would like something else. I have been enjoying walking the last week so I'm going to be doing more of that.
I have noticed that I am in a cirlce pattern of not getting anywhere fast.
Round and round I go.
Well I have just chosen to take my own life by the horns.
I don't want to be the sort of person that complains about all that is wrong.
My mother told me that when she had Peta over the weekend they were digging holes at on "the farm" and Mum commented on how Dad (Peta's Grandad) wouldn't notice her missing till it came to tea time if she fell in the hole. And Peta commented "no one would miss me at all if I fell in".
So that speaks volumes about the sort of mother I have become. Only focused on my own constant issues and my issues with Blair. Time to be the best damn mother ever.
What have you decided today??
Monday, March 17, 2008
Thursday night we have a general argument.
Friday I write him a letter.
Friday night he reads my letter and still chooses to go out for a beer with some buddies in Christchurch rather than talk out our issues. In our conversations pre him leaving for his night out I hound him to tell me whether he still finds me attractive. After much pressure he admits that he does and he doesn't. My weight is finally taking it's toll on the way he views me.
I get mad.
Then I get sad.
Then I get a text saying he loves me and always will.
I let him know I love him too but I am not prepared to go on like this.
I get a phone call at 4am.
He doesn't know where he is, he is in his car, he can't get out of the door. He just wants to be home. I hear a car. I hear it getting closer and closer. I feel my tummy flip as it gets too close, then whizzes past. He is right on the side of the road somewhere. He gets out the other door, still talking to me. He waves another car down.
It's the police.
He's had an accident, fallen asleep at the wheel, veered across the road and ended up in a hedge. He was supposed to stay in town at a friends place. He is over the limit, immediately loses his license and is off to court.
He gets home around 5am.
A couple of hours later I go to find the car, when I do find it I also see an ambulance and police car there. Another driver has slowed down to see if anyone injured and the guy following her has literally veered over the top of her car, flipped and landed upside down in a very deep ditch. He is taken to hospital with facial injuries.
When I climb across broken glass to driver's seat I freak out. Above the steering wheel, about one mm from the windscreen, right at the level of one's head, is a massive branch about 10cm in diameter. If he had gone in one smidgen more he would have either been dead or severely injured.
Get car home with help from some friends, the passenger window has been kicked in and all his carpentry tools stolen. Thousands of dollars worth.
He is very quiet.
He is very sorry.
But it's me who has to pay.
I have to get up and drive his sorry arse to work early in the morning as he works out in the country and works by himself.
We have fines, loss of license, have to buy all his tools again so he can work and, if i don't want to have to spend an hour everday picking him up and dropping him off, we have to try and apply for a work permit for him to work at the cost of a grand.
MEN ARE FUCKEN PILLOCKS
Thursday, March 13, 2008
How about we do it with four kids in the truck??
Shall we misjudge the depth of the river and plough nose deep into a big hole?
Then we could pass the older three kids out the back of the truck then completely forget about them while we concentrate on getting the three year old who is screaming out??
Whoops, what if those three kids that were already out weren't thinking straight in this sort of panic situation and instead of walking back from where they came in the river walked to the closest side which was straight into the big hole?
And let's just say that the 7 year old who couldn't swim got picked up by the current and swept away?
Wouldn't it be lucky if he managed to grab the front bullbar so he didn't drown??
Wonder it it would be a good idea to get Jules to come get the kids, she can cross the bridge and see her 4WD nose deep in the river and not freak the fuck out!!
Then shall she arrive just in time to see the truck pulled out with help of a fellow man and then see the doors open with cascades of water waterfalling out??
Wouldn't it be priceless if it then cost $1,152 to fix??
MEN ARE GEEKS!!
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Saturday, March 8, 2008
Back feeling great. My sister in law came out and helped me get out some photos and art and put them on the wall, put up my big mirror, rearrange my lounge and next week we are going to hit the bedrooms. Amazing how making the house feel like a home has such a different feel to it.
Blair and I have been getting on better, we had big yarns and he seems more settled knowing that we aren't making any big moves.
I took the crazy dog to her obedience classes for the first time on Thursday night. I have had to keep missing them because of various reasons and finally was ready to go when I noticed her bleeding, the bitch was in heat. So I rang the trainer and she said just bring her!!!! She was fantastic for me and we are looking at breeding her with one of the trainer's dogs who is coming from Aussie in a couple of months. He is half border collie and half Siberian Husky, such a wicked mix. And I am looking at maybe doing a bit of agility with her to try and get her interested and chilled out a bit!! And it gives me something to focus on.
The naturopathy notes are out and ready to go. I have finally organised a work space for myself and I like it.
So the big thing that I need to work on is my self esteem, fitness and ballooning weight.
Any of you that may have noticed Gluten Free Geisha has shut down, well it's going to be back up. If I'm not writing about it and keeping myself accountable to someone or something, I just lose it. I have hit the 105 mark again. What the fuck!!!!!!!!!!!! I have put on 6kg since the wedding, nearly a stone and it is killing me.
So, I'm back into bloggin cos I need you mofo's and this will be my fuck it all outlet and GFG will be my weight loss struggles and self image struggles. Of course, they may overlap but that is my perogative as I am woman!!
Batteries are charging as we speak so I can finally get this bloody photo post up.
Ciao, I'm off to read some of you geeks as I haven't made time for it for ages!!