Really, really, really???
Can life be so damn unfair?? Not in a hideous terrible cancer sort of way but the shit that keeps coming my way, or more to the point, Blair's way!
On Thursday morning Blair, who is working for my Dad, decided he'd had enough of Dad's anal ways and had been lectured one too many times on something and decided to tell Dad to fuck off. Dad responded with "fuck off yourself and find a new job" to which Blair replied "sweet, your call" and walked off. Then he phoned me to come pick him up as he has no license - remember?? So that is that.
I have handed in my notice here already but not signed up for the new house yet. So I can't afford the new house and not sure if I have the old one still, half the house is already packed, for once in my fucken disorganised life I was on the ball and packed up really early!! The beds are down, kids are sleeping on mattresses and the only things they have in their rooms are drawers!! The linen cupboard is packed, the pantry is half packed and the kitchen has a only one cupboard unpacked.
The CD's are packed.
I am up in the fucken air.
It is very hard whilst looking at the jobs on the net and in the paper for Blair as they nearly all stipulate "full drivers license". I have applied for a nightfill position at the local supermarket but that won't support a family of 6!! I thought I could go to work fulltime but then Blair would be at home with no transport and four kids to get all over town and we don't have public transport out here, other than what heads into the big city. And it's a bit rough to make the kids walk to school in the zero degrees temps and pouring rain that we are getting at the moment.
Sooo.... What the fuck do you do??
I suggest that we go hard, both get work, me at night, Blair during day and use what little savings we have and use the tickets that are still sitting there rearing to go to Brisbane on the 23rd June and make a new start away from the controlling parents. Love them to bits but they dictate everything in my life, from what haircuts my kids should have to what place we should move to. We could shack up in a self contained cabin for the first couple of months and then we wouldn't have the set up costs to get into a rental. The dog could be left with the dog trainer who we are breeding her through in August and she could take all the puppies as payment??
what ya reckon? Seriously - what are your honest opinions?
Who The F is Jules?
- Jules
- New Zealand
- A plethora of cells that make up one hell of an attitude filled mother of four with a leaning to the natural side of life. Outwardly outspoken and confident. On the inside I'm a bundle of contradictions and self doubt. This is my outlet to work it all out.
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20 comments:
Shit Jules, it just keeps on coming, eh?
As for what you 'should' do, only you have the info required to make realistic suggestions - so what would you tell a friend in the same situation? What would make you feel empowered (both short and long term)? Empowered people tend to be the ones who accomplish the things they want to, and success breeds success.
All I know is that if nothing changes people are in for more of the same. Why does the same stuff keep happening to people? Because we are creatures of habit; we do what we know and what we feel comfortable with.
Right now I am sitting here saying to myself "OK, one more game of Minesweeper, a quick check of the blogs and I'll get up and whip this house into shape" and I'm onto my 5th hour of saying similar things "I'll just watch this movie...". The day started productively, but now I feel lethargic and like the whole weekend has passed me by - of course it hasn't, but, inevitably enough, this seems to happen every weekend. This happens in life as a whole too, I procrastinate and deadlines pass. As one of my fave quotes says in a rebuttal of 'better late than never': 'Too late is the same as never'.
And with that, I am getting off this couch, damnit!
You're a smart, sassy and tough lady, Jules, and I am sure you will make the best decision for your family.
Honest? Perhaps a new start could be good for you but don't you think you should really get on your feet in every respect before putting the kids through more change? You've had so much termoil, I can't imagine how you cope to be honest :)
Personally I'd go for it. But then I'm awfully fond of change.
My comment is based purely on how I react to stuff like this and not a recommendation at all. I have written a couple of posts on my past relationships and now find myself pretty darn picky when it comes to men.
My first ex was pretty irresponible and left 2 jobs on a whim without having something else to go to. Fortunately we didn't have children together and when I finally got sick of his 'live for today' attitude (translates = Lynise will pick up the pieces and support me when I'm unemployed) I finally left. (after first fully supporting him for 4 years while he went to uni and got a degree, but then didn't want to return the favour and pay ALL the bills etc so I could go to Uni). Anyway the relationship finally ended and after another short stint with a similar type guy I know look long and hard at the type of guy I go out with.
Your situation is so much more complex as its not just you and Blair (if it were I would say run). It does sound like the break away from parents could be good. I love mind dearly and they are very supportive, but I still enjoy living 2 hours away as its important that I have my own life without them.
I don't know how you are feeling toward Blair at the moment but I would be pretty ropable at my partner if they put myself and all your children in this situation. If he didn't like his job he could have looked for something else then left. I've had times when I could have walked out on my job but I know I have a mortgage to pay and a daughter to feed/clothe so leaving us high and dry without means to support myself is just not at option.
It seems like Blair has been the source of several major concerns lately and I worry about you Jules that you are the one (and your children) who are suffering through his bad choices.
Gosh, what a lot is going on!!
Um I don't know what you should do, but whatever you decide, know there are loads of people rooting for you!
xox
Oh fk Jules... did you smash a truck full of mirrors or something???
I am thinking if I was in that situation and still had tickets.. I would be having a whole new start! But the issue of Blair not having his licence is going to cut his job hunting to pieces!
How long til he gets it back?
How long can you keep up trying to work around the clock juggling kids etc...
Take a deep breath and a big gulp of herbal tea... and map out all options..try and get blairs input... what do the kids think about moving to Qld??
Fk i dont know Jules...
Whatever you decide I know you will make it work... you have to... We are getting to old for this shit..time to settle down and make a happy home!
Sometimes I don't know how you keep going. the Oz decision would have to be dependent on the likelihood of Blair finding well paid work, having money available for you as a family until he does, the cost of setting up over there.
Really unsettling times for your kids as well. Take care!
Man... Jules, I don't know. As much as I want you in Brisbane so that I can visit you next time I am up there... but this is not about me. Firstly, I would be fucking furious at Blair, that is just not acceptable. If you are going to walk out on a job, you need one to go to. But anyhoo, moving on. What to do, what to do.
Are the tickets refundable? Or could you postpone them?
I just want to give Blair a big, fat old lecture.
Jaysus Jules, Blair sure knows how to fuck things up! I think I'd go for the Shit or Bust option if it were me - go to Oz, get a complete fresh start, away from family & other interfering forces. It'll be tough, no doubt about it, but if you can see that through hon, you'll hopefully be made.
oh, one more thought, is there any chance Blair could go back to your father (cap in hand, apologise, kiss butt etc etc) and get his job back in the short term, then use the tickets to Oz and go.
The other problem I forgot about was the situation with your housing. If you decide to stay in NZ I would try and find any way possible to still take the other house if you possibly can. One of my brothers is a builder and I know he has work coming out his ears so hopefully if Blair can't go back to work for your father he can jump straight back into another job without too much of a delay.
Have just re-read my first post and didn't realise I had written such an essay about my ex's. My point in writing that was to explain that I don't have much tolerance for men who cause me problems so my advice would have quite a lot of bias. (I'm afraid I'm through trying to work on relationships with people who don't also give 100%).
The whole situation is a tough one and theres certainly not an easy answer to it all.
The lack of licence is a whole seperate problem and as Blair also created that mess I would suggest he finds people to car pool with. (ie, his stuff up, he can find a way to cope in the interim).
I was coming back to say - get Blair and your dad to have a good talk about both of their issues - it may be able to be sorted. Two sides to every story. Lynise got there first though!
Can Blair get a work licence so he can a) get another job or b) look after the kids and the house so you can get fulltime work?
As much as your Dad pissed Blair off - he knows what he is like & at the end of the day, he has a family to support so regardless of how frigging annoying your Dad may be - he should hve shut the f@*$ up until he had an alternative job & a way to get there.
I can understand you wanting to up sticks & head off, realistically, will it be any easier there? Blair has no licence, he will have no job & possibly unable to get one until he gets a licence. Quite frankly the idea of 6 people shacked up in a little cabin - sounds delightful -for about 5minutes!!!!
I am really sorry all this sucky stuff keeps happening to you.
Oh hon seriously, can you and Blair go to someone for professional advice? Someone who can look at your situation and give you some realistic options? In terms of Blair and working - it's not just about him is it. He's got a family. He's gotta start doing what's right for everyone, not just for himself. Hope something comes good soon for you guys but you gotta make it happen too and make real changes. Thinking of ya!! x
Best thing we ever fucken did was sell our house that was RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY OUT-LAWS place and get the fuck out of that street. Next thing we will do is move over 200kilometres away from them up bush and be done with it.
Yep, I'd take the leap and move, use those tickets and get your kids and yourselve a new start :)
Dear Jules, I can say how it seems to the other end of the world. Looks like you don’t have a set of 4 kids and a husband but 5 kids in your home. You cannot keep up being the only one who's responsible in the family. If it comes to the situation that you have to go to work full time anyway then you better leave this problematic husband of yours. You can manage by yourself and I am sure that even better. It may be sounds cruel but you have 4 kids, who really depend on you. The 5th one should manage by himself. Best wishes!
Well, I'm here ..... what more could you want??
I thought I had it bad with my hours cut dramatically at work and a check ready to bounce any day.
I hate to say this but Blair should of thought of his family before he mouthed off. I get it that it is hard as shit to work for family, but you ALWAYS find a new job before you quit the last one.
I'm sorry life is shit right now.
For what it's worth I'd say go for it. You have the tickets - use them. Here you seem to be having one thing after another to deal with. Sometimes life involves taking risks. But a lot of time those risks are worth taking. Taking a step out of ones comfort zone brings out a stronger determination to succeed. It might be what Blair needs - a chance to make it in his own right and get away from any negativity in the family.
I reckon - GO FOR IT - move to OZ and see what's what over there.
It seems that nothing good is happening in NZ for you (no matter who's fault it is) and being in another country and away from parents/in laws might do the family a lot of good.
You can always come back......
Sounds like a bloody nightmare dude - I cannae give advice on this one.
Could you try the old fashioned way putting the pro's & cons on paper & which ever column has the most ticks??? Family vote?? Flip a coin??? Sorry!
I am usually a firm beleiver that what is meant to be will be, but it is very difficult being stuck in no mans land. Good Luck with the decision making.
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