Ever Wished....

the ground would open up and you would disappear?

Yesterday afternoon I was walking around a corner past a bank in Rangiora. I was the only one on the corner but there were a heap of people around.

A car full of late teens/early twenties came around the corner.

The guy in the front passenger seat yelled out "Hey Wideload, you're causing an earthquake" then laughed and looked at his mates for gratification.

I was unaware for about 5 seconds that he was talking to me, then realised I was the only one of the corner and he was staring right at me and laughing.

I instantly thought "Fuck you, you little shit, as if that bothers me".

But of course it did.

I cringed that my kids, parked three cars away may have heard.

I cringed at the fact that at least 7 other people had heard and seen.

I kept walking, got in the car and went about my business but every second the leering face of the white trash little fuck knuckle sprang into my mind.

And I have not stopped feeling disgusting about myself for the past 18 hours.

It's easy to say "he's a dick, don't let it bother you" and I actually remember giving this advice to a fellow blogger not so long ago, but when it is you, when you self esteem is stripped from you in seconds with a commercial paint stripper, you can't let it go. You can't stop thinking how terrible you must appear to others for someone to even feel compelled to make a comment like that.

Blair wants to scour the town for the little prick and punch his face but I'm not so sure that would solve anything.

But why, when I am obviously at a point where I attract negative attention because of my appearance, can I not do something about it?

So, crack please open, earth please devour me.