There is a list of things/people/bugs that I would like to leave me the fuck alone:
1. Spiders (specifically whitetails) - right, you guys can just fuckoffski into the distance. I do not want you in my house giving me the shits and making me have to kill you and then feel bad for the whole buddhist karma thing. Just fuck off.
2. Wenches who work for the courts - yes you can fuck off too. I have paid Blair's speeding ticket thank you very bloody much and I paid it in cash at the bank the day before it was due so you can fuck off.
3. Sandflies - I do not like being bitten. I have swollen enough lower cankles as it is without you wankers adding to the agony. Please fuck off.
4. BBQ Organisers - I have had enough of sorting out my family to go to BBQ's in the windy heat. I never get to be the drinker, I always have to drive the whole kitten caboodle home and I am over it. And if you are going to make potato salad make if properly. Fuck off.
5. Vodafone Secret Santa Gift Marketing Geniuses - A sheet of magnets with kiwi phrases on them like "l&p" and "fish & chips" etc is not a fucken gift. It is rubbish. Buy a new phone and get some free crap magnets - get a life and fuck off.
6. Robotic Answering Things - when I phone a company I do not expect to have to actually speak to a robot who tells me at the outset that it can understand me and then makes me speak loudly and clearly into the phone like a wankstain and then, lo and behold, doesn't understand me. F off.
7. Husbands - when I have recently had vaginal surgery and you decide on a Sunday morning that you will wake me with a toe rubbing my pubes and the line "when can we use that again?" - well you should expect to be told to fuck off.