Monday, August 30, 2010

On the Fence

It's a very hard place to be - sitting on the fence. As a friend pointed out, it's uncomfortable and all you end up with is chaffed thighs.

I am actually sitting on a junction of fences, you know, where four paddocks' fences meet? I'm straddling the part that is in the corner of each paddock. I could fall four different ways. Each paddock has it's own merits. There is something attractive in each one. If I fall into one, will I want to stay there? Will I find the grass greener in the other paddocks? Will I end up back straddling the junction? Will someone surround that paddock with electric fencing and will I be stuck there? Will the grazing in one paddock suit me but maybe not suit my family so much? Would they be better off if I was in the other paddock with the red clover? Am I aiming for a paddock that's pasture is really too rich for my calibre?

OMG the analogies!!!!

Paddock One has me going to work, either part or full time. Sian is 4 soon. Thinking about doing some office work and maybe part time studying over the next couple of years in officey type stuff. Is there enough opportunity in my district, would I have to travel to Chch? Could be more financially viable option.

Paddock Two has me going back to Uni. Studying for a professional qualification and having a career. My leaning is towards Psychology. And not just the basic degree but going the whole clinical route, and maybe even Educational Psych or Forensic. I am so interested in it. Would have to travel the 40 mins to classes at Uni in Chch.

Paddock Three has me going for my original love - equine, following on from this year's withdrawal, doing the Equine course and then finding a job here in the immediate area. Study is close, easy and full of fitness. Jobs pretty easy to come by and my love for it would never see me bored.

Paddock Four is the chill paddock. I forget it all for the next couple of years. Be an at home Mum and maybe study some interest papers, nothing full on, just potter. Get back into my art, sew some shit, and concentrate on home baking and being a good Mum. But, can I be a good Mum if I am not stimulated in some way, shape or form??

Maybe I am just not worth grazing, maybe I should be euthanized and sent to the meat works. LOL.

Any ideas?


Anonymous said...

Hello gorgeous lady.
I dont know which is the RIGHT one, but I think paddock number 4 is the wrong one. Even just the way you wrote it sounds negative.
What does your heart say?
I think you should research Paddock 1,2 and 3 extensively - check out class timetables for study.... check out job opportunities in your local area. Make your decision with all the facts, rather than the current 'What ifs' that are going on in your head.
And then sit with the facts for a bit and listen to what your heart is saying.
All of this said with muchos grande love for you, gorgeous girl

The Fat Chick said...

I can see you choosing option four. I just doesn't seem right.

In my opinion as torn as you are,I would take a deep breath and follow my heart and trust that everything will work out and have faith that the universe will provide.... but thats just me and I know its easier said than done.


Chris H said...

As Jo said, Paddock 4 sounds like the one least likely to make YOU happy.
As you are a Wife and Mother.. you have to consider how any of the options will impact on you AND your family....
You should not have so many options is all I can say!
Whatever you decide to do... I hope you get everything you want out of it.
Write a list of pro's and con's... then ignore it all and go with your heart and gut.

Anonymous said...

I have another idea for you, what about studying something by correspondence? You could start your uni degree or office studies. Then you get the best of both worlds by being able to stay home with the kids and still getting some study done.


kathrynoh said...

I reckon the best thing to do is just pick one - there's no right or wrong - just making a decision and giving it 100%.

UncleHannah said...

I understand...I'm considering some similar options myself. I feel like my options are limited. I guess that's all in my mind, but maybe not.

Anyway, judging from the warmth in your description of Paddock 3, plus the mention of it I've seen you make on the blog, I think that feels right. You seem the most interested in it. You could pursue one or all of the other ones later.

But I don't really know anything for sure. I think it's great that you're considering all these things...nerve-racking as it may be.

It's inspiring. I may pull myself out of my miserable state and try to follow suit.

Tracy said...

You are really lucky you have so many choices. Follow your heart and do which ever makes you happy, if you are happy your kids will be too. It is important for them to see that you can do whatever you want and will encourage them to do the same in the future.

None of them are irreversible, if you make a decision and is just does not work for you then you have the opportunity to explore another option. The only wrong thing is to do nothing.

Having something to focus on will be good for you too.

AlleyCat said...

Hey Mate - you're arse is only gonna get sorer if you don't get off the bloody fence soon!!! Lucky it's not an electric one :0) OUCH!!!

I read this yesterday, & had a think about it & Kathryn has said what I was going to say. Other than option 4, pick one & run with it. Give it all you've got.

I never thought I'd end up in office admin. I always thought I'd do something in the medical field & help people. Every now & again I toy with the idea of going back & doing psychology myself. Sometimes a job or career path is just a means to the life you want to live: it doesn't have to be the most amazing challenging job in the world - so long as it give you the funds/opportunity to live the life you want outside the work place (well that's what I tell myself when I'm up to my ears in cranky customers, boring as batshit paperwork etc etc).

Good luck with your decision :0)

Hayley said...

Hey babe!
I think its completely up to you, at the end of they day you need to follow your heart. What does Blair say?

For me you have two options, paddock 2 - sounds fab really liking. I plan to do educational psychology next year at Canterbury and Otago uni.

paddock 3 - like you say its your original love, if you don't do it now will you ever?

You will get there hun, and you will make the right choice for your family xx

Anonymous said...

I dont think anyone apart from you and your family can make this decision. I think sometimes as women we get bombarded with the message that to be good and worthy and so on we must achieve outside of the home, that to be happy you have to raise perfect children, be the perfect wife AND have the perfect job on top of it. Tiring? yes! I also think sometimes we fight the hardest against what we actually want - because if we dont get it then people dont have to see us upset (and this applies to so much stuff!)
My only advice is to not make any snap decisions - maybe try a bit of each paddock for while (work for a bit, do some study for a bit, be at home for a bit) and see which one feels most comfortable.
Follow your heart and seek the guidance of those you love and respect the most.

Ms Smack said...

hey luv, I've done 18 months of a Psych degree and can tell you a couple of things about it for your consideration.

First, it's a science degree. Psych is considered a science, so there is a heavy statistic component. Love stats, or your grade won't be high enough to get invited into Honours.

Second, the psych route is a long one. part time = 12 years. Full time = 6 years, and like I said, no guarantee you'll get invited into honours. If you dont get invited into Honours, the study you've done, will not be enough to take you 'all the way' to be a practising psych, and eligible for inclusion at any psych association, which is main criteria for employment.

Think long and hard before investing the $ and time and energy.

Also, my social work degree earns me as much $ as a psych (in the govt) so I'm happy with the fact that I can practice immediately, earn good money, doing same stuff, without stats, and long route at Uni.

Either way, DO something. Seriously. It'll change your world.


Tracy said...


Epskee said...

I know I'm late to comment, and probably not even all that helpful, but my advice is slightly different.

The best thing I can say is to relax. No matter which one you choose, you will wonder if another was the right one. You will feel guilty for not chosing a different path.

There is no perfect option. There never is. Its always a compromise.

Sometimes, when looking for the best choice, we need to work backwards. Whats the worst one? Which would you give up on if you had to?

I know im weird, and ppl call me negative all the time, but sometimes working out what you dont want can make what you do want seem so much clearer

Cazzie!!! said...

Can you study part time for the wonderful course you have always wanted to do?
Then you can chill the rest of the time.
Do what makes you happy and what makes you feel comfortable!