Monday, February 11, 2008

Dear Inventor Of Duraseal,

What the fuck were you thinking when you invented this shit??

As if mothers don't have enough time consuming tasks to complete without having to cover over 30 books with the most impractical shit ever invented.

My very recent experience (until 1.12am this morning!!) had me encounter the following issues:

1. Getting the wrapping off the duraseal, anyone would think this gold the way it's so securely cling wrapped!!

2. Then I come across the sellotape to keep the roll in roll format (as if the over zealous cling wrap wasn't enough to do this??). Is this possibly THE stickiest sellotape in the world? It nearly peeled the duraseal off it's sticky backing just trying to get it off. As I had six rolls of duraseal to open last night I could of a) not had to contend with the five mins each bit of sellotape took to take off and b) not had to contend with the sticky residue the stickiest tape in the world left on the duraseal so that I ended up having to place the name labels in bizarre places to cover these sticky anomalies!!

3) How long do these rolls actually stay rolled before being released upon the unsuspecting public?? I found it a near impossible feat to keep the fucken roll unrolled!! If I didn't lay something heavy on one end I would never haven managed to cut off any sections!!

4) Do you wankers even consider the size of exercise books when you size up these rolls?? There was always a 10 - 15 cm excess at the end of the roll, over 6 rolls that is plenty of wasted bloody duraseal that would only be able to cover books for smurfs.

5) What is with the difficulty levels in being able to actually separate the backing paper from the duraseal? Is this meant to just fuck me off, cos it does!! And then 3 times out of ten, when I peeled off the backing, it had actually taken the stickiness on the backing paper, leaving the actual duraseal as sticky satin sheets!!

6) Why the bloody hell does the duraseal ALWAYS end up with air bubbles in it??? No bloody matter how slowly and definitively I placed and rolled the books onto the duraseal I would always end up with frickin bubbles.

If you were that bloody brilliant in inventing shit you would have just approached the manufacturers of exercise books and come up with an offer to add your product to their books during production so us poor haggard mothers could just buy the bloody things all ready to go, even with name labels already on them (now that's thinking outside the square!!) and all we would have to do is write the midget's name, class and subject on each one and that would be it.

So next time you are thinking of inventing a sticky, completely user-unfriendly product, think again, or I may just go postal on your arse!!

Yours faithfully

Mrs Outspoken

20 comments:

rand(om) bites said...

Bwahaha...this is going to sound really sad but I had my technique down to near perfect when I was in kiddy school. Damn virgo. I would have loved to have done them for you! You make very good points!! Maybe you should send your letter to them directly?

Mellisa said...

*claps* Yeeaaahhhh!!!!
Bring back the brown paper anyday!!! lol

Tracy said...

I never understood why the hell we are supposed to cover the books - so I don't. If I am feeling particularly nice I will write their names on them but otherwise they do it themselves. I remember when I was a kid, my Mother usesd leftover wall paper to cover our books - way cheaper I suspect.

Hippygal said...

Ditto to everything you said - I am so glad I didn't need to do it this year.

Ms Smack said...

oh god, I completely, utterly, totally feel your pain. I did the books again, this year some 14 of the fucking things. First though, we covered the books in images from Dolly mags, and stuff and man, they look great, but not before giving me the headache that you captured in this post!

xxx hilarious

Lyn said...

You should patent that idea and market it ... and make millions!!

Chris H said...

I do not use duraseal at all, simple eh?

Lonie Polony said...

Tee hee! A few years to go before the book-covering tedium for me, thank goodness. My mum even endured double the pain, covering our exercise books with cute wrapping paper AND contact.

Name: Lynise said...

this sounds similar to my past experiences with the dreaded product. I don't even try using it now. Instead Evianah picks out some nice roll of wrapping paper (this year it was the Olsen twins and some cartoon one) then I cut the paper to fit the book, line everything up, give the paper a quick wipe over with a glue stick and waa la, all in place with not an air bubble in sight. Its all finished off with long strips of cellotape on the inside cover and the job is done without any of the frustration of using that other (not to be mentioned) stuff.

kathrynoh said...

I love covering school books. Andrew never let me do his -- I think he thought he'd end up with pics from Dolly all over them (he he).

It is a weird thing to do when you think about it. Do you do it to protect the books or the pictures you stick on the outside?

Maybe next year you should invite Mary and I over for a school book covering party!

Spiky Zora Jones said...

jules...I have not ever used it. Why would you use it on your books? I have read a few comments and lots use it, is it required?

ciao babes.

Rachel said...

I hear ya sista! I hate the stuff as well. I managed to cover about 9 books this year before noticing that they weren't actually sticking properly and had to go back and cellotape all the friggin edges...........NOT IMPRESSED!

Middle Child said...

Wow... must be getting old...we used brown paper and non stick plastic and (how old are the kids???) did it ourselves after about 8...but plenty of good practice because the nuns made us cover many library books in religion...the devil makes work for idle hands I guess...

hawkeye23 said...

Bwahahaha! Crying with laughter and long repressed memories. Bastardly stuff that contact shit.

Wanna_B_slimmer said...

I love covering books!!! Last year and the year before I volunteered in the school library and covered 100's of books with sticky shit...
You should have had a few scotches before you tackled them...

m said...

thanks for the laugh today!!!

Steph said...

Duraseal? sounds like some kind of super strength condom!

Tania said...

woohoo!!! The things us mums have to endure.

AlleyCat said...

Hope you've recovered from your "contact" (aussie version) experience. hehehehe I stick it inside our Melways (maps) on the common pages our plumbers use to prolong the life of the book - always get damn bubbles. was laughing out loud at your description of trying to roll it out!

...ChillDude... said...

I haven't used Duraseal but I heard that itz pretty good. Dude I know u hate it but u don't hve 2 make a fucking big deal out of it. Just chill dude.