Monday, March 17, 2008

Men Are Fucken Pillocks

Had to top last weekend.

Thursday night we have a general argument.

Friday I write him a letter.

Friday night he reads my letter and still chooses to go out for a beer with some buddies in Christchurch rather than talk out our issues. In our conversations pre him leaving for his night out I hound him to tell me whether he still finds me attractive. After much pressure he admits that he does and he doesn't. My weight is finally taking it's toll on the way he views me.

I get mad.

Then I get sad.

He leaves.

Then I get a text saying he loves me and always will.

I let him know I love him too but I am not prepared to go on like this.

I get a phone call at 4am.

He doesn't know where he is, he is in his car, he can't get out of the door. He just wants to be home. I hear a car. I hear it getting closer and closer. I feel my tummy flip as it gets too close, then whizzes past. He is right on the side of the road somewhere. He gets out the other door, still talking to me. He waves another car down.

It's the police.

He's had an accident, fallen asleep at the wheel, veered across the road and ended up in a hedge. He was supposed to stay in town at a friends place. He is over the limit, immediately loses his license and is off to court.

He gets home around 5am.

A couple of hours later I go to find the car, when I do find it I also see an ambulance and police car there. Another driver has slowed down to see if anyone injured and the guy following her has literally veered over the top of her car, flipped and landed upside down in a very deep ditch. He is taken to hospital with facial injuries.

When I climb across broken glass to driver's seat I freak out. Above the steering wheel, about one mm from the windscreen, right at the level of one's head, is a massive branch about 10cm in diameter. If he had gone in one smidgen more he would have either been dead or severely injured.

Get car home with help from some friends, the passenger window has been kicked in and all his carpentry tools stolen. Thousands of dollars worth.

He is very quiet.

He is very sorry.

But it's me who has to pay.

I have to get up and drive his sorry arse to work early in the morning as he works out in the country and works by himself.

We have fines, loss of license, have to buy all his tools again so he can work and, if i don't want to have to spend an hour everday picking him up and dropping him off, we have to try and apply for a work permit for him to work at the cost of a grand.



Kate said...

Oh my god, you poor thing! This is so not what you need!!!

Sending you loads of hugs and support. GAH!!

Chris H said...

Too Much!!! And you still don't have any resolution to your intial 'problem' do ya? Gawd I'm glad I aint in your shoes... and I sure am glad I ain't Blair right now! Pillock indeed!

Jo said...

I dont know what to write cos Im so gutted for you.

Sending you positive thoughts and lots of strength.


Lynda said...

I just don't know what to say about this. You don't deserve this. I have no great words of wisdom here but something seems broken (besides the car). I mean people, there are too many broken people here. You, the kids and Blair. Its really time to change something... anything. Things have to improve for all before something else gives.

rand(om) bites said...

Bloody hell, I bet B is real sorry and feeling like a complete idiot now. More sorry for you though hon, you have to pick up the pieces. I hope this is a wake-up call to B, especially for both the kids sake and yours.

I can tell you similar stories about my brother-in-law! But we still love him. Just an idiot sometimes. He lost his licence just when his wife had the baby and who had to drive him around for his early morning shifts 6-7 days a week!? Ridiculous. When you have kids, you kinda can't keep taking those chances hey.

LaLa said...

Fuck me, that's like something out of Home and Away, I'm sorry that it has actually happened to you though.


Lee-Anne said...

Umm, is it possible for you both to go to counselling. I think there's a lot of things going on not only in your head but definitely Blair's as well. Things don't keep going from bad to worse for no reason. He really needs to talk to someone.

You have to hang in there hun. Pull out every bit of strength you have and hold on tight. I hope you have support from family and friends.

Lots of love and hugs xxx

Tracy said...

I am gobsmacked that he could be so stupid. First of all - get onto getting him the work licence, you are under enough pressure time wise now without having to run him to & from work - you have 4 kids dammit!!! He is the family's source of income & you live out of the main city so he should have no problem getting one you can get them for "work & family" so make sure he gets it for that as well. He needs to take responsibility for his actions, he has managed to cost his family literally thousands over the last few weeks, insurance will not replace his car - he was pissed. It will not replace his tools - they are business tools (unless you had a seperate cover on them). He needs to get on TradeMe & get replcements for as much as he can - as cheap as he can & he needs to work out how he is going to start fixing this mess.

In the meantime, can you get someone to look after the kids for a few hours & the two of you sit down & have a good long talk about how you are feeling (both of you) & what you can both do, realistically, to try & make you both happy.

Good luck & big hugs

Mellisa said...

Fuck Me!! You poor chicken .... I am glad he is ok but he has a lot of making up to do!!
Send him on his push bike with a little trailer for his new tools!! *giggle* That should sort out the little fucker!! lol

AlleyCat said...

Speechless. Am so sorry to hear this has happened. ((HUGS))

Name: Lynise said...

I 100% agree with everything Lynda wrote. But my natural inpulse is to also get really angry because I am sooooo sick of people who think they have the right to drink and drive. My brother was killed by a drunk wanker and our family is still recovering from our loss (almost 10 years ago) My nephew and neice live their lives without a dad and I find it extrmely hard to even think of forgiving the person who took him out of their lives. Knowone has the right to get behind the wheel of the car when they have been drinking and I'm afrid I have no sympathy for what happens to people who choose to do this.
But you darlin are not the one my anger is aimed at and as Lynda has said, things (other then the car) sound broken. I would highly recommend a good therapist as relationships can be tough and sometimes we need the help of an outsider to help us find our way in what seems a very horrible place to be.

I really hope you can improve whatever is happening in your relationship at the moment as I have been in a similar place myself (ie, relationship not working) and know its not a pleasant place to be.

Stay strong Jules, I don't have any real answers but what Blair did wasn't fair to you, your children, your relationship, or the general public who were on the roads. His actions were selfish and I can't even imagine how angry this whole situation probably makes you.

I just hope you have a few strong and supportive friends/family to help you through this difficult time. Sending big hugs.

Lyn said...

ohhh chickadee hang in there mate ... they can be complete dicks can't they??? Hugs mate!!!

Jayne said...

I'm pretty much with what lynda & lynise have said - there is no excuse for being drunk behind the wheel of a car (or on a bike). By the sounds of it, Blair has got issues, you've got issues & fuck all gets done by drinking them away, cos the bloody things are still there the following day, complete with hangover. Jules, you gotta be strong hon - you both need time-out to assess what the hell is going on in your lives & start making changes.

I'm angry that Blair has brought all this on you & I'm sad that you're having to pick up pieces, but please hon, make a plan & get some counselling.
Sending mega hugs hon xoxox

Miss Beck said...

I'm with Lynda and Lynise. Time for change.

Sad to say this but I have ZERO tolerance for ANYONE who drinks and drives. Whether that is regularly or a once off.

You have to pick up the peices? WHY? He walked out on the 'team' when he chose his mates over possibly saving a relationship.

He fucked up. He pays and he deals with it. Like Mel said, a pushbike and some tools oughtta shape him up. He needs to not have you pick up the peices for him.

You look after those babes and provide a safe environment for them and yourself. Let him deal with his demons and idiotic behaviours (remember, the ones that nearly killed your children in a river last weekend?)

Jules I'm terribly sorry you have had to go through this and as strong as any woman is, there is a point where she's just had enough. I'm really angry that, like alot of mums and wives, you are the responsible one who is left to pick up the peices.

He needs help, before he kills himself, your kids or anyone else.

Time for a wakeup call for Blair? Do what you have to do.

Miss Beck said...

P.S. I gots lotsa lurve for you, ya know.

Hippygal said...


Anne said...

Can imagine he is quiet! You have to wonder at whatever possessed him to attempt to drive - also did anyone try and stop him?

A few have mentioned counselling, I agree and hope you both find the help you need.

Spiky Zora Jones said...

oh, I'm sending many many wonderful thoughts and love your way, honey.

Sometimes it doesn't pay to go outside the house. You hate to take a step backwards...but maybe this will be the begining of big strides foreward.

Kisses and hugs for you honey.

Steph said...

I'm sorry. Dude needs a kick in the arse!
Who does that????

I feel for you hun. I can't offer advice cos I'm not in your shoes and things are never black and white.

I do feel you're at a crossroads though and I think you need to do what's best for YOU. Sounds like you put everyone else before yourself and you're getting shat on.

Tania said...

You're definitely doing it tough at the moment! I truly believe that he needs to take a good long hard look at his actions, I mean my first thought is that he has 4 kids and while it's great to have some fun on occasion, that brings responsibility and there are always consequences to our actions.

The whole "for better or worse" thing is just words but you know what I think every relationship has it's highs and lows and i'm hoping that the low you're currently experiencing won't last much longer. Here's hoping that this latest episode might just give Blair the wake up call he needs.

As to the weight - what he says is irrelevant, you do what you have to do and you do it for yourself first and foremost. I think we all go through the fear that partners don't find us attractive anymore and if that can help drive your motivation for success then great, but never lose sight of the importance of doing it for yourself.

Hang in there mate, hope things improve for you soon.

Karen said...

Wow!!! I have to agree with all the above hun! There is some very sensible and logical advise given there...

*super dooper big hugs* Take care xx

hawkeye23 said...

Fuck a duck. Pillock indeed. Riding a bike to and from work in the dead of winter may do him the world of good. Why should you have to pick up the pieces, Jules? You're already doing all you can to keep it together for you and the kids. He's not a kid, he's a grown-up. Methinks it's time for him to start acting like one.

Just my two cents worth.

crankybee said...

*jaw drops*

Ok...I have no idea what to write. Except to say - wow. This is shit. I don't know what you can do. That doesn't help, I know, but you have my support. I may have never met you but you have my suport, and sympathy.

I'm so not the hugging type, but (((((((HUG))))))_))

crankybee said...

PS - I'm 100% with what Tracy said!

Middle Child said...

You know how much you love him or not. Don and I went through things like this, not quite this but different things. At times it was heaven and other times it was hell. He sounds as if he loves you very much but the alchohol is a bi problem.

Dep inside yourself if you love him and he's basically a good guy apart from some issues... just before you go to sleep at night even if angry, quietly tuck you hand under his neck or on his chest anywhere... its a healer... doesn't mean he's right and you are wrong... its just an affirmation. I hope you guys make it and no doubt so do your kids...

hopefully he will stop being one of the kids himself and realsie what he has got... a woman who loves him and kids he needs to be a dad for...

good luck Jules... sending you good thoughts and have to hope things settle for you all sooner rather than later for the kids sakes as well as yours.

Wanna_B_slimmer said...

Speechless here..and I have goosebumps... That was a fkn close call... if this doesnt wake him up then nothing will..
Take care jules... we loves ya...