Wednesday, March 19, 2008

What Doesn't Break You Only Makes You Stronger


So I have sulked and whinged and dwelled on things for bloody ages.

I just had a big cry to my Mum on the phone.

I have decided to put a big focus on making me happy, the rest should all fall into place.

The first thing I need to do is get some counselling for me re the rape, weight, self esteem.

I am on to that today.

I have put Blair in charge of the money, I am over organising it and taking the stress. Time for him to step up and be the man about the house.

I have my weight watchers and my dog training, that is my time out but I would like something else. I have been enjoying walking the last week so I'm going to be doing more of that.

I have noticed that I am in a cirlce pattern of not getting anywhere fast.

Round and round I go.

Well I have just chosen to take my own life by the horns.

I don't want to be the sort of person that complains about all that is wrong.

My mother told me that when she had Peta over the weekend they were digging holes at on "the farm" and Mum commented on how Dad (Peta's Grandad) wouldn't notice her missing till it came to tea time if she fell in the hole. And Peta commented "no one would miss me at all if I fell in".

So that speaks volumes about the sort of mother I have become. Only focused on my own constant issues and my issues with Blair. Time to be the best damn mother ever.

What have you decided today??


Kate said...

Yay for you, excellent!

This is a bit embarrassing but the other day I had the rare chance to watch Dr Phil.. and he said something about how you need your kids to feel like they've won the Mommy lottery. And that made me gulp! I try and be a good Mum, but I could be more patient, I could play more, I could say 'no, I'm busy' way less often. So that's my new aim. To put things aside to make time for them, to get down on the floor and play, to offer to read stories before they come asking. Things like that.

Chris H said...

Great shift in attitude Jules babe! What have I decided to change? Hmmmm... do more exercise, and be more positive? I am too old and set in my ways to change my 'parenting' style.. it's worked well for 29 years, I've got 6 all grown up well adjusted (most of the time) 'kids' and only got two to go.. think I'm doing OK in that department. I'm the first person they come running to in trouble, so that's says it all eh? I am sure if one of yours was in trouble they would turn to you too. Chin up and ONWARD!

Jo said...

Today I have decided that drinking 3 bottles of Sav on a saturday does not ACTUALLY effect your weigh-in much on a Wednesday.

Or perhaps I am kidding myself!

Loving you, girl. Good to see you at something of a turning point.


AlleyCat said...

HIGH FIVES!!!! there's nothing wrong with focusing on your issues, so long as you are dealing with them, so you can move on right? Your plan of attack sounds good to me.

What have I decided today? (again) to deal with each peice of paper that comes across my desk AT THE TIME (where possible) instead of shuffling it to one of my various "piles" to deal with later.

Hippygal said...

Jules I have just finished counseling from when I got raped and also for self esteem etc, best thing I ever did. Thinking of you :)

Anne said...

Believe it or not - to quite worrying about the damn panic attacks I have and (try to) go with the flow. Sometimes they make me not enjoy life as much as I should so I decided to live with them, accept them and move on! Well you asked...

I got a huge lump when I heard what Peta said, pleased to hear it gave you a wake up call to resolve that.

Good on you for the decision to take your life by the horns:-)

crankybee said...

Kate - embarrassing is being ON Dr. Phil,not watching it! :P

What have I decided today? That you are one fucking strong woman!

kathrynoh said...

Damn kids. I had an argument with Andrew the other day cos when he was a kid he wanted an Optimus Prime (from Transformers) doll. I wouldn't buy it cos I reckoned it was shite and he'd never play with it, so of course mum bought him one.

Anyways, I was saying how he got it and NEVER played with. According to him, he played with it all the time in his room but I never noticed cos I was off getting drunk!

*note: I never went out and got drunk and left him along with Optimus Prime in his entire childhood - even though I reckon he'd make a great babysitter being a robot in disguise and all!

Anyway, today I decided I'm going to start saving money instead of wasting it on crap. I decided this after I bought my kitten heel, feather trimmed mule slippers though, thank god.

Mellisa said...

I am glad you are doing ok .... Have a great Easter!!!

Marie said...

Hope you and your family have a great Easter!

Hope thinks start looking up for ya! Counseling sounds like a good idea


Tully said...

You are one strong lady it can be so hard to get your life in order when you are feeling down.

I think a big part of being a good mum is being happy- not that I should give advice on this because I don't have kids, but my mum has bi-polar and growing up all I wanted was for her to be happy. I bet your kids just want you to be happy, counselling sounds like an awesome way to get yourself sorted.

Good on you for taking the bull by the horns, very impressive. Have a good Easter.

Wanna_B_slimmer said...

What have I decided today??? hmmm thats its time for a responsible scotch....... and to love my kids more...

AlleyCat said...

happy easter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ms Smack said...

One day at a time, eh? Make some short term goals and move into long term goals later.

Baby steps until you're stronger, my friend.

If you don't 'click' with your counsellor, suspend them and go somewhere else. That 'click' is vital to unlocking the real issues that are holding you back...

Spiky Zora Jones said...

like an athlete babes...get youre head into it...then your body will follow.

You focus babes...make sure you don't have too much on your plate then you take on what you have on that plate...i know you can do it babes...I know you can.

hugs for you babes...Now go at it, tiger...and kick ass.

Kitty said... I decided to blog more...


i miss you!!

Jayne said...

You're a strong woman Jules & somewhere from inside, you will find the strength to bring about the changes that will make a difference to everyone, not just yourself.
Thinkin of ya hon *hugs*

Middle Child said...

Maybe you were in a circle, but a circle is very close to spiral...just slight changes can alter life and attitude and what appeared to be or was a circle can become a spiral, even in the curve of that spiral appears to be a circle...hope you get what I mean.

Re your kids... yes you only have this little bit of time to love them...

they grow up and can be gone at 16...
Lots of love and consistency with rules

But a mistake that parents make today is that they think they are going to be their kids friends...

We are their parents and while you can be friendly to your kids they need you to be that when they do grow past the dreadful I know it all teenage years we then are able to become freinds with them in proper.

Lots of laughter, making silly videos together stuff like that...

We had some near misses with ours, some things I regret and they regret but the love was solid.

Sorry if this sounds like preachy stuff, but my heart goes out to you where you are now..

its good to take time for reflection on actions an consequences

you are doing okay, at least you have the guts to take it all out, dust it off and think about it.

Thats courage.