Tuesday, July 1, 2008

When I Grow Up .... I'm Gonna Be A .....

what did you always want to be??

Some people knew what they wanted to be from an early age, set there minds to it, overcame obstacles and they are now working in their dream (or what they thought would be) job.

My sister is like this. From about the age of 3 years old she wanted to be a teacher. She failed School Cert a number of times (Year 10 in Aussie?) but she persisted, went to night classes and got into Teacher's College. She gained her Bachelor of Teaching in 2000, then got married and had two kids, started volunteering at the local school, then got relieving work there, then got some long term relieving and eventually applied for a permanent position on staff and got it. She is living out her childhood dream.

Some people thought they knew but changed their minds along the way, then finally settled on the one job that fitted them.

Others had no idea, then did something random like join the airforce as an accounts administrator and then ended up going from strength to strength and are now one of the only female helicopter pilots in the NZ Airforce, living the dream.

Others had no idea, left school, did an Arts degree, then just went on and found a job and are unhappy as hell doing it, but they are not sure what else there is for them.

Others went to Uni, did the degree they always wanted and are progressing through their career just as they had imagined and now are thinking of branching out, changing direction.

Others have no bloody clue.

I sort of fall into a number of these categories.

I always wanted to be a vet. Loved horses and all animals.

Then, in high school decided that, as I exceled at English, I would be a good journalist. So I went on the high school journalism exchange sort of thing in Wellington where I submitted some work for the Evening Post.

Then I moved to Christchurch, different high school, different friends, different approach. I decided I wanted to join the Airforce. That lasted for about ten minutes. I got a boyfriend and left school to work in administration and accounts. Bring in some money, etc blah blah.

After that all went to shit I decided that I would like to go back to the animals thing and did some volunteering at Orana Wildlife Park and headed to Dunedin to study Animal Science and Technology. In this time I spent a lot of early mornings with my Aunty, a race horse trainer.

Then I came back to Christchurch, did shit all and decided to go to Uni and do an Arts degree. Pulled out within months and went back to accounts and admin. Never any aspirations to work in that area - just what I knew, could do it well.

Headed off to Massey University to become a vet, finally doing what I really wanted to do - or so I thought. Within weeks I was pregnant and that ended that.

When Peta was about 2 months old I started studying Naturopathy part time. Being pregnant had made me appreciate what effect different things had on my body and I was into having a holistic approach.

So, the last 9 years have been spent striving for the goal of becoming a Naturopath, all the while working in accounts to get me through it.

But I love so many different things and I have no idea really what my dream is anymore.

That was until the other day, I started trying to convince Blair that he should do something like nursing. Then I thought - I have worked as a nurse aide and did it well. I have done so many anatomy and physiology papers, have my veterinary nursing, have a natural affinity with people, am a natural carer. Why the fudge packer did I not become a nurse when I was younger? I could be up there now, nurses are on way better money in Queensland than in NZ? Woulda shoulda coulda??

Then I had the epiphany moment.

I was driving along the road to work.

Every morning I pass the race track.

Every morning I am too busy to look.

This morning I wasn't.

The nostalgia, the desire, the emotion took over me.

A mighty thoroughbred, a frosty morning, the grandstand in the background, the warm air of the gorgeous animal's breath hitting the frosty morning air giving the appearance of a snorting dragon.

I could just about feel the pent up strength between my thighs.

I could feel the crisp air on my face making my cheeks red.

I could feel the ache in my forearms from keeping the powerhouse in check.

I could hear the sound of the hoofs dancing on the cold earth.

I started to cry.

No shit!!

I started to really cry.

I loved my aunty with a passion. She was there for me through thick and thin. Some of you will know what I mean, you have someone that is extremely close to you, not a parent but you had special outings, special times with them.
She died 6 years ago in September. I loved her to bits and her passing made me extremely sad. Bone Cancer, enough said.

She loved her horses, she was also a nurse - go figure!!

Is it right to follow your dreams or should you do what is "expected" of you. A comfortable job? A steady job?

We only have one chance at this.

What is your dream job? Are you living it or are you pushing it's head down under water?


Kitty said...

i have always wanted to be a writer.

but i'm pathetic and let all my insecurities and self-doubts take over. i've never made an effort, i probably never will.


be a nurse! if you have the front to do what you really want, do it!

Yummy Mummy said...

When I was grade 4< we all wrote at school what we wanted to be... I wanted to be a nurse, like my mum.
Up until i started to feel ill whenever I saw blood, or someone in pain.. couldn't (and still can't deal with it)
I think that life is too short to be doing something that you aren't passionate about. A profession that makes you want to get out of bed each morning and go to 'work' - whatever that profession is! I believe that some women are just the most beautiful mothers, they are passionate about it... other women need to work at something that really challenges them, and that makes them a better mother/wife if they have a job that makes them feel worthwhile.
I also think that the path to theses professions is not always easy, might have to take a few crap jobs to make you realise that it is really what you want to do.

go for your passion... there is nothing stopping you that you can't overcome.

Set your goal and start nibbling away at it..

Anonymous said...

Great post! It really made me think.

Lil said...

When I was in primary school I wanted two things: to be a flight attendant and to get married and be a MUM! The flight attendant thing quickly fizzled, but my desire to be a mum never did. I still have this burning desire to be a mum and I know when I do, I will be a great mum. In highschool however, I thought I would really like to be a nurse, and so I applied to university and got in, and did my bachelor of nursing after leaving year 12. All through my bachelor (3 years) I had this one passion to not only be a nurse, but to be a midwife. So I graduated from nursing, got a job in a children's hospital and worked there for two years to get some experience. I liked my worked there, but didn't love it. And so just last year I bit the bullet and applied to study midwifery. I was accepted and when I found out I just started crying... I had never wanted something so badly and I was so proud of myself for having the guts to apply and then to also be accepted. And so that brings me to this year. I am studying my graduate diploma in midwifery. It has been tough this year, having a mortgage, studying full time and working part time. But I am managing. And I absolutely can't wait until I graduate next year!

I say go for your dreams!!! Otherwise you may regret it.

Luv Lil xox

Tania said...

What a thought provoking post! It's true though, we get so caught up in our day to day lives doing the things we "ended up" doing rather than focussing on what we really wanted. I wanted to be a lawyer when I was younger - but I changed my mind years later, i've never really given much thought to what i've wanted since then - perhaps i've just been happy, or should I say content!

Jo said...

I want to be an artist.

But I keep sabotaging myself.


Love you, and glad to see a post

Cazzie!!! said...

Detracting from my second last post, I am, in fact, living my dream job. I love being a nurse and always wanted to be one from age 4 or 5 yrs. Yes, I sure love it!
I remember how fond you were of your Aunt, as you speak of her lovingly a few times.
Huggs Carolyn

Tully said...

Oh god, what a post. I think about this all the time. I am unhappy in my job and just feel consumed by what I can do to make a change. I think I am in the right industry for me (Publishing) but the wrong job.

I would say to keep follow your dreams, even taking small steps toward it will help. This feeling you're having now is only going to be worse in 20 or 40 years time.

Middle Child said...

Still don't know what I want to be at 54. Healthy is a good start - I am easily pleased - loved just being a mum and being with Don my best mate and lover. I am a bit of an activist and the truth is important to me - wanted to be a famous artist when I was a teen with the emphasis on famous - didn't have the dedication - am a bit of a jack of all trades and like what I am - so I guess I am doing what I wanted - just wish it wasn't so bloody lonely these days.

I felt for you when you wrote about your aunt - she would know on some level that you loved her and think of her...

take care sweetheart.

Ms Smack said...

I did work experience as a nurse and got over it really quickly. I wanted to be a journalist, and didn't do that either. I then wanted to be a social worker and started that in 95.

Spiky Zora Jones said...

I wanted to dance on the stage...on broadway. I wanted to be a policewoman. I wanted to be a history teacher. I wanted a recoding contract and write songs and tour. I wanted act in movies. I wanted to write stories and write poetry. I wanted to be a mom...I wanted the world to spin on my fongertips. I've done some of these...I only wish I could make a living writing stories and poetry. It's my passion...that has out lived all the others wants. To write along with being a mother, a lover, would be devine. One day...you just never know...I may be on that path.

This post makes me really look deeper into myself and maybe...I should push it...and just write more...finish those stories already started.
Ciao babes.

Jayne said...

I want to write - just write! There is so much in my head it hurts sometimes & if only I was given the chance to just lock myself away, I'd take it without hesitation. I don't want to have to worry about making tea/coffee & getting the dinner on or making the apartment tidy......I just want to drop off the face of the planet for a while & let the words flow. That Jules is my dream. I reckon I'll get pregnant first!!

AlleyCat said...

Good Question Jules. Hmmm. Year 10 school work experience included Radiology, Advertising, Physio & Nursing - was geared up to do something in the medical field & went into the maths science stream & was quite interested in Physio. Then in year 11 did 2 weeks work experience with a local caterer who also worked 4 days a week at a homestead as cook & oversaw the house keeping staff. Loved it & was offered a job for the summer while Armour was on Annual Leave. Got invited back the following year as well. Cooked lunch for 15 (the family & staff) Mon - Fri & prepared dinner for the family (2 - 5) before I went home at night. Even went in some weekend nights to prepare dinner parties & always nvited to stay & have a few drinks afterwards!

Went into a Bach of Appied science in Hospitality Studies on completion of year 12 & moved up from the country to study. Chucked in the degree midway through my 2nd year as was more interested in working in the industry & of course earning the funds to party!

Met plumbing boy & started doing a bit of admin for him to help him out, then went full time, as it was either do it together or pay someone else & since I wasn't really in a high paying job (working in a pub & a restaurant) thought I may as well. Went back to school part time to complete my diploma in business admin. in order learn more so I could do a better job.

So. Am I in my dream job - probably not. Do I have job satisfaction? Yes. Is it a means to an end? Yes. Do I think I will ever work in my dream job? Probably not. Why? Still not sure what it is!!!! Would love to run a bed & breakfast, sometimes would love to run a cafe. Most of the time I am happy to have these as my hobbies. Dabbled in the idea on & off, of retraining as a psychologist or counsellor as I still have a stong urge to help people. Perhaps when we are done with the plumbing business, the path will become clear. I guess I'll just have to wait & see!!!

Steph said...

It's never too late sweets. I'm not doing what I wanted or thought I would be, but I'm happy enough and can't be arsed changing course now.