When I Grow Up .... I'm Gonna Be A .....

what did you always want to be??

Some people knew what they wanted to be from an early age, set there minds to it, overcame obstacles and they are now working in their dream (or what they thought would be) job.

My sister is like this. From about the age of 3 years old she wanted to be a teacher. She failed School Cert a number of times (Year 10 in Aussie?) but she persisted, went to night classes and got into Teacher's College. She gained her Bachelor of Teaching in 2000, then got married and had two kids, started volunteering at the local school, then got relieving work there, then got some long term relieving and eventually applied for a permanent position on staff and got it. She is living out her childhood dream.

Some people thought they knew but changed their minds along the way, then finally settled on the one job that fitted them.

Others had no idea, then did something random like join the airforce as an accounts administrator and then ended up going from strength to strength and are now one of the only female helicopter pilots in the NZ Airforce, living the dream.

Others had no idea, left school, did an Arts degree, then just went on and found a job and are unhappy as hell doing it, but they are not sure what else there is for them.

Others went to Uni, did the degree they always wanted and are progressing through their career just as they had imagined and now are thinking of branching out, changing direction.

Others have no bloody clue.

I sort of fall into a number of these categories.

I always wanted to be a vet. Loved horses and all animals.

Then, in high school decided that, as I exceled at English, I would be a good journalist. So I went on the high school journalism exchange sort of thing in Wellington where I submitted some work for the Evening Post.

Then I moved to Christchurch, different high school, different friends, different approach. I decided I wanted to join the Airforce. That lasted for about ten minutes. I got a boyfriend and left school to work in administration and accounts. Bring in some money, etc blah blah.

After that all went to shit I decided that I would like to go back to the animals thing and did some volunteering at Orana Wildlife Park and headed to Dunedin to study Animal Science and Technology. In this time I spent a lot of early mornings with my Aunty, a race horse trainer.

Then I came back to Christchurch, did shit all and decided to go to Uni and do an Arts degree. Pulled out within months and went back to accounts and admin. Never any aspirations to work in that area - just what I knew, could do it well.

Headed off to Massey University to become a vet, finally doing what I really wanted to do - or so I thought. Within weeks I was pregnant and that ended that.

When Peta was about 2 months old I started studying Naturopathy part time. Being pregnant had made me appreciate what effect different things had on my body and I was into having a holistic approach.

So, the last 9 years have been spent striving for the goal of becoming a Naturopath, all the while working in accounts to get me through it.

But I love so many different things and I have no idea really what my dream is anymore.

That was until the other day, I started trying to convince Blair that he should do something like nursing. Then I thought - I have worked as a nurse aide and did it well. I have done so many anatomy and physiology papers, have my veterinary nursing, have a natural affinity with people, am a natural carer. Why the fudge packer did I not become a nurse when I was younger? I could be up there now, nurses are on way better money in Queensland than in NZ? Woulda shoulda coulda??

Then I had the epiphany moment.

I was driving along the road to work.

Every morning I pass the race track.

Every morning I am too busy to look.

This morning I wasn't.

The nostalgia, the desire, the emotion took over me.

A mighty thoroughbred, a frosty morning, the grandstand in the background, the warm air of the gorgeous animal's breath hitting the frosty morning air giving the appearance of a snorting dragon.

I could just about feel the pent up strength between my thighs.

I could feel the crisp air on my face making my cheeks red.

I could feel the ache in my forearms from keeping the powerhouse in check.

I could hear the sound of the hoofs dancing on the cold earth.

I started to cry.

No shit!!

I started to really cry.

I loved my aunty with a passion. She was there for me through thick and thin. Some of you will know what I mean, you have someone that is extremely close to you, not a parent but you had special outings, special times with them.
She died 6 years ago in September. I loved her to bits and her passing made me extremely sad. Bone Cancer, enough said.

She loved her horses, she was also a nurse - go figure!!

Is it right to follow your dreams or should you do what is "expected" of you. A comfortable job? A steady job?

We only have one chance at this.

What is your dream job? Are you living it or are you pushing it's head down under water?