Tuesday, April 14, 2009

How far is too far???

The new trendy world.

Well, not so new anymore but the way it's been heading for the last couple of decades.

We all laugh at the emails that are sent every couple of months joking about anything from political correctness to "remember when we could climb trees and stay out till dark".

But should we be laughing??

Is it time to say enough?

Because I sure as hell have had enough. You can't fart without filling in an incident form. Our children are suffering. I have a huge desire to get onto a farm, have the kids grow up rurally. Not so much for the fresh country air, that would be a bonus, but it's the lifestyle that we had as kids. The running around in safety. Sorting your own shit out, sorting out arguments with other kids because there was no anxious mother hovering around waiting with a phrase on treating each other nicely, straight out of a "childhood pyschology" book.

We joke about the role of men and women. We joke and we joke and we joke.

But things seem to be tipping the scale. There is no respect anymore. High school kids in Hamilton recently staged a sit in at school protesting that they weren't on the decision committee for the new staff at the school. What the fuck??? No you weren't, because it's none of your bloody business, get back into class, pull your baggy arse pants up, tuck your shirt in, wipe the copious amounts of makeup off your face and sit down and do some fucken school work. And if you don't you will be in detention. And it will do you no harm to learn consequence.

I have a friend who has recently split up with her husband. He is a psycho. He demanded she give him six blow jobs before he would consider trying for a second child. He demanded they have anal sex before he would try for a first. He raged and abused the midwifes at the hospital because she was sent home a day early and he had plans to go out that night and didn't want her at home. So he wouldn't talk to her when she left the hospital, dropped her at their little shack in the country (and I mean shack, they were living in a shed while their house was being built, toileting in a bucket full of sawdust) and went out on the town, leaving her alone in the shed with her newborn. He is an absolute shit. He has threatened to run her over since they split and she has a protection order against him. He keeps harassing the lawyer for their child and has demanded the boy three times a week. The court date keeps getting postponed. Meanwhile he keeps turning up where he shouldn't, one day I had to pick the wee one up as her parents were out of town and she can't see him and he refused to hand him over to me. Police had to come. Now the court is threatening to make the boy a ward of the state if they can't come to a compromise and start communicating. Woman's refuge are outraged. The police have rated him as a serious threat to her life. Why should someone who left a relationship because of abuse have to communicate with a psycho who has threatened her life? Because society is so concerned with giving everyone a fair go that safety of child is overlooked time and time again. This man is supposed to not know where she has moved to but has stalked her and found out, tonight he drove past her house a couple of times, no reason for that, she lives in a dead end street.

What has happened to values, respect, accountability?

What has happened to the basis of our communities?

I am a bit fucken over it.

What are your thoughts??


Anne said...

The world nowdays does make you wonder. Things that get to me - The bullying at schools, and some parent's attitudes towards their kids that do this - no accountability at all.

I agree about the lifestyles for (most) kids is different nowdays. TV, playstations, internet etc are coming in the way of pure fresh air.

Your friend's story got to me. Our daughter's ex is now threatening 50% custody. Yes he loves the kids - but he's broke so thinks the 50/50 will sort this out. OK she doesn't quite have the problems your friend has but 18 months later, is still being harrassed - and this can at times be in front of the kids!

Kitty said...

the world has hit a new low in my opinion.

my only solution to the "problem" is to participate in it as little as possible.

depressing. but that's the way i see it.

Lynda said...

Hallelujah and Amen to all that you have said!!! My favourite radio show is Newstalk ZB morning show with Leighton Smith. He basically says the same thing as you on a daily basis ie that Society has become so PC that it is just ridiculous.

The problems are so deep seated in our communities now that I really have no answer. Now maybe you know why I love getting away to the Coromandel so much - it is an escape from the madness that is the city.

underOvr (aka The U) said...

Good morning Jules,

I started reading this post, nodding my head in agreement, laughing about how society has changed and then you got serious on me.

"He demanded she give him six blow jobs..." I'm still thinking there's a punchline here because if you're gonna ask for a blow job, why is six the lucky number?I'm glad your friend was able to escape this asshole. Believe me when I say this Jules, "There are fuckups like this masquerading in the world as men." They are vermin and they have about as much in common with men and manhood as their four-legged ancestors. He can dress himself and walk upright but he's still a fucking rat.

Too often when shit like this goes down, it goes down bad for the woman. I hope that's not the case for your friend.It's too early in the morning for me to be thinking about doing harm Jules. I'm really trying to change my ways so to speak. The former U would just set some cheese out (cause rats like this fucker love them some cheese), wait for him to bite into it and BAM!But I no longer use the principles I learned at the Al Capone School of Persuasion.

Tell your friend to get far away from this fool. Even if she has to leave the country, it would be far better than living in fear for the remainder of her life.


Jayne said...

Discipline in schools in way too many countries has fallen by the wayside & the next generation will be at their wits end, unless someone is brave enough to call a reality check. Accountability is like water off a ducks back - gawd forbid someone must actually pay for their crimes! I'm off home to SA tonight & its the elections next week. The fuckwits that rule the country are voting a man into power who thinks that taking a shower - after having unprotected sex with an HIV+ patient - will prevent him from catching the disease. It's a foregone conclusion that Zuma will get into power. Convicts have the right to vote, but as an expat, I don't. The world has gone fucking mad Jules. As for your friend, I honestly hope she can get the hell away from the psycho, cos otherwise, I gotta feelin we'll be reading a tragic story in your newspapers.

Spiky Zora Jones said...

Oh sweetie this was going around when I was in high school...we had sit-ins to have the school flag (rebel flag) thrown out. It was symbol of slavery and I had lots of black friends that it upset. So I joined the cause...we won and it was changed.

As for that guy...he sounds to be a threat. I wish I could help...it sounds like someone is going to get hurt. Are firearms legal there? Tell her to get one and learn how to use ait. He needs to be talk to...if you know what I mean.

ciao sweets. Fabulous post. It had my temper going.

beetricks said...

What do I think?

Well...as a high school teacher at an all boys school, I think that high school students are pretty much the same as when I was at school. We protested about being forced to join the cadet unit and do compulsory agriculture until Year 9! At Uni people (including me) locked themselves in the Vis Arts block when the Uni wanted to change the structure of the course. I think protest and standing up to authority is a good thing - it's practice for young people to get political care about the world when they get older.

I actually think that today's teenagers - Gen Y - have a much harder time in the world than we ever did. Cyber bullying, uncertainty in employment, living in an incredibly materialistic age...but who is to blame for that? Adults to a large extent! Look at the overspending we adults indulge in! Big cars, McMansions we can barely afford - we live largely on credit and expect children and young adults to know the value of money. We can't bear for our children to miss out on anything, so instead of saying "we can't afford for you to go on that school trip/buy you those sneakers/give you that new laptop we stick it on a credit card! Look at all the "no interest" deals we have in Australia - after working for GE Finance, I can tell you for a fact that 27% of people pay off their interest free deals in the allocated time (for example, 5 years) After that time, the 22% interest is backdated 5 years (or whatever the term) to the beginning of the loan! Do we see many adults saving for things? NO! How do we expect children to learn?

We all have blogs (or at the very least read them). How much time do WE spend out frolicking in the backyard! We spend time on blogs and facebook for leisure - why shouldn't they? On-line communtities are important and valuable to us - why shouldn't they be to young people? Why don't we teach them self-regulation?

We don't want kids watching too much TV - why do we buy huge plasmas and buy DVDs for us and the kids? Why do we let children watch inappropriate TV shows and movies? How many people watch those dumb, violent CSI shows? What does that say about us as people? What does that say about how we value women? (given that most of the victims are women)

Why do children have computers and TVs in their bedrooms?

Why don't we teach children and young people explicitly about sex - not just the ins and outs, but pressure to have oral sex, the politics of sex? They won't pick it up from TV!

I can tell you that I never stood up for any adult on the bus. Fuck them! I was tired, I deserved a seat! But the say a woman on the bus said very quietly to me "Excuse me, would you mind if I had a seat?" and then smiled and thanked me when I got up shamed me so much that I always stood in the future. If she would have said to me "YOU BLOODY SCHOOL KIDS NO RESPECT BLAH BLAHHHH" I would have rolled my eyes and stared out the window.

Because Gen Y have been brought up in a cyber world, they do need explicit teaching on some things. Studies have shown that they lack the ability to think long term, and can't imagine that their on-line actions (nude/drunk photos for example) will have an effect. Companies are now offering future employers "digital footprints" of a potential candidate, which means they will harvest all the on-line content of someone that is public (photos, comments on blogs, facebook, bebo, MySpace etc) and pass it on the employers. It isn't illegal. Last year, a year 12 student asked me to be his referee. I googled his name, printed out what I found, and presented it to him, asking what chance he thought he had getting a scholarship to Uni with this stuff floating around. He was gobsmacked. Once confronted with the reality they learn. But it is up to us adults to teach them.

You didn't expect such a big rant, did you? LOL!

I don't think the world is a bad or worse place. The ease with which things can be reported now means we hear more bad stories...but in terms of crime statistics, it's not that different. Kids are kids. Be adults and don't provide them with things you don't want them to have. Restrict TV and computer time.

As for your friend, the one thing you can do is teach your daughters that if they ever experience violence or abusive in any form it's OK to walk away. Teach them to be strong women - because if someone had taught your friend that she wouldn't have submitted to head jobs and anal sex to get pregnant. Teach your daughers to not bring a child into that sort of abusive family dituation. I hope she can get something sorted because her son will turn out just like the father if she isn't careful.

None of this was aimed at you, Jules...just my little rant. We have students who sit playing Nitento while their parents wring their hands and say "They won't interact with us!" Boys who are addicted to World of Warcraft and spend TWENTY HOURS A DAY ON THE WEEKEND playing it while their parents bite their lip and wonder what to do. Er...don't buy them the computer or Nintendo in the first place? Cut off your broadband access? Take responsibility for the mistakes you have made?

beetricks said...



Great web site!

Jules said...

Anne: I think this guy is doing it for similar motivations, including keeping a hold on my friend.

Kitty: I would love to not participate but when your kids are in the school system and health system etc, you sort of can't avoid it.

Lynda: My Dad always says what we need is a huge natural disaster to get things back to an equilibrium.

U: Hey mate, thanks for coming by!! Love your work. I have suggested that she leave the country but she is a good honest girl and wouldn't consider going against the system.

Jayne: It's a hard one aye?? We have an MP here that was done for Fraud last year and thrown out of his party but started his own one and ran in the election. WTF is up with that?

Spiky: Don't get me wrong darl, I am extremely all for democracy and kids learning to stand up for themselves but I think there is a point. Being involved in the appointment of teachers is not something I personally believe kids should be involved in.

beetricks: Thanks for sassing it up. I, for one, don't let my kids have tvs or computers in their rooms, we have a ps2 but it is our DVD play and has been used about 10 times maximum for Buzz Junior since we got it a year and a half ago. We have an old tv, my kids don't get everything they want, they are told when there is not enough money, they have missed out on things because of money, Peta actually wasn't going to be able to go on camp at end of last year due to us both losing our jobs but my parents decided to give it to her as a birthday present. I try my hardest but I also wish it could be like it used to be for me as a kid, I know it can't go backwards but I wish some of the same values still existed. As for my buddy, well she was brought up with extremely responsible honest parents that never have a harsh word to each other. Unfortunately I think that has been part of the problem as she has never learnt to the art of argument or what is wrong because she's never seen wrong.

AlleyCat said...

After reading your post I am too angry to write a anything without resorting to extreme cursing. I agree with all you have said. There has to be a better way. There are no easy answers & bringing change is enormous. We have to have a system & no system is perfect. This is where i get stuck every single time. Sigh.

Spiky Zora Jones said...

I agree with you...there is a line where children/academics do not cross...the appointment of teachers is best left to those that get paid to do that job.

I mean if I had a say so when I was a teen...we'd only have hot teachers. That was my only basis for hiring. hehehe...yeah, hormones on the loose kid.

Ciao honey. xx

Margaret said...

I agree fully with your post and am grateful that there is someone out there with the balls to post like you do. I also give thanks everyday that I have two well balanced kids who know whats what!!
They know they are priveliged in thier opportunities and just the other day my youngest( 19 yo) said "Mum I'm living the dream" cos he is able to do what he loves, and has been given opportunities that others aren't.
My boys ( althought not catholic) went to a catholic college, where , believe it or not, were taught respect, empathy, and were given the very best chance to learn, okay there were shit-head kids there who bucked the system, but they were dealt with, as unlike public schools, if you didnt tow the line, bugger off go somewhere else. My boys learned to "do the right thing cos it's the right thing to do" oh and I am one of those "statistics" a split marriage.- although my youngest was 16 and at weekly boarding school.Sorry for the long comment, but you got me going.....

Cazzie!!! said...

The problems stem from the complete lack of responsibitlity for people's own actions. Zero tolerance from me to them, and my kids know what I mean when I say "Right...zero tolerance to bullshit". I truly hope they GET it, because like you I am over people who are arseholes...full stop.
Huggs :)

EmmaK said...

lol about filing an incident report if you fart. Can you believe a footballer was given a yellow card for farting. I mean come on footballers are meant to be rough ready and full of farts!

kathrynoh said...

Seriously, if some dude told me I had to have anal sex before he'd let me have a baby, I'd be out the door so fast. There are a lot of shitty men in the world by why do women put with their behaviour?

I don't think the world is getting any worse. It wasn't that long ago women were expected to put with all kinds of shit and not make a fuss. We've still got a long way to go but things have improved.

Middle Child said...

All of the above..take care okay!!!! okay

Ms Smack said...

omg.. horrendous case... whatever she has to do, help her escape...

Apple2Hourglass said...

I know about being stalked, abused and harrassed before the relationship, during the relationship AND after separation. How stupid was I to stay around? VERY. But - I wasn't strong enough to leave, it took me 10 years but I eventually left, he stalked and harrassed me for the next 18 months and has only recently given up (coincidentally at the same time I started a new relationship) - men like these have no balls, they are bullies, people let them get away with it, in this case it started with his parents and snowballed from there.
I hope to be a better parent to MY son and not let him turn out to be a c*nt like his father.
I hope your friend can keep up her strength - it does get easier but it takes a lot of time and energy. She's lucky she has you to help her.

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