Voyeur

This is my 150th post on Naturally Outspoken.

Before that I was Four Kids and a Fiance *just not appropriate once married*

And before that was the Renovation of Jules.

And before that was a Diary X, Yahoo collaboration.

So I was wanting to know what you want to know about me?

Anything, I will answer with complete honesty.

I will also post photos of things you may like to see, around my home, my land, things that matter to me, whatever takes your fancy.

No, I will not show you photos of my vagina, no I won't show you photos of my breasts.

So fire away, let your voyeurism shine through.

Goddess

So Blair comes home today after being away all week.

Not that this is a new thing but it's the week that I have spent trying my damnedest to be the best I can be after our "talk".

I have had my hair cut and coloured (small disaster but onwards), eyebrows waxed, lip waxed, eyelashes tinted and I have lost 1.2kg!!

So I should feel pretty great right??

But I am a bit nervous to tell the truth.

I'm a bit worried that he is going to feel bad (actually I already know he does as he keeps phoning me each night telling me how much he adores and loves and misses me). I'm a bit worried that he is going to compliment me .... and I won't believe him.

I will ride above it though, he is a good man and he will know I'm trying.

Rome wasn't built in a day and neither were any of it's sexy goddesses.

New Hair, New Day, New Attitude

I have had a number of those "moments" in life that just make you evaluate where you are at with the world.

A very close friend has been told he has liver cancer. Keeping it all very much to himself and holding the details back. I don't know whether he is doing this to spare the people around him, as a coping mechanism or whether he just doesn't know himself. Hopefully should know more next week. This is a man who has played a pivotal role in my development as a human being. I met him and his life partner (they don't believe in marriage) when I was pregnant with Peta. Alone in a city where I knew noone, I had hooked up with the most unlikely of guys, and I met this couple through him. They strengthened my belief in my own power to be. They supported me unconditionally through thick and thin. Sort of like parents but better as they are never judgemental. They just encourage you to be who you want to be and fuck the rest of them. It's been a hard blow, I'm preparing for the worst but expecting the best.

My husband made a heartfelt and honest plea to me to lose weight. He adores me, I know this, I don't need to be told it, even though he does every day. He loves me to bits but I don't put that fire in his belly anymore. Emotionally yes, but physically I am falling below par. My initial reaction was to cry, standard. But almost immediately I realised he wasn't saying that it was beyond repair. He just needed me to know that the desire he has always had for me is waning and it's due to the weight but he also thinks it may be due to a bit of medical jargon too. I understand his headspace. I mean, if I despise who I have become, how is it possible for him to not pick up on it. I am the same weight I have been since about 7 years ago, I go up and down a bit but I never really move in the right direction for long. I think it was less of an issue for him in the first couple of years as I was still very confident in myself. Now, as the dieting torture continues, I belittle myself constantly, I excuse myself from life's fun times due to my weight, I have every reason in the book to not be able to stick to anything for long.
This no longer just affects my looks, my health or my life, it is now affecting the lust the love of my life has for me. This is now deadly serious.

So I am not reacting in a haphazard manner.

I am seeing this as a wake up call, not a bad thing. I mean, a relationship can only grow stronger from open pathways of communication, honest conversation and I think sometimes we all get a wee bit too comfortable, a wee bit too blase about the relationships we are in. Comfort and familiarity can sometimes lead us to a place we don't want to be.

I know I don't want to be there, especially not without the man I love.

What Sort of Lemon are You??

The sun was beaming onto the verandah. I love the verandah.

The fantails were dancing around the bushes. My Vitamin D levels were rising as I took in the warmth of the winter sun.

My little 2 and a half year old cherub Sian, angelic in looks, less so in nature, ambled over to me.

"Look Mum, it's a Siany Narny lemon" as she shoves a tiny little cute lemon into my face.

"Lovely darling".

Away she potters.

Then she comes back.

"Look, it's a Mummy lemon" she squeaks innoncently as she shoves a HUGE, half mouldy, pock marked lemon in my face.

"Nice one" I retort, trying to hide the bitterness in my voice.

Again, she totters away.

Again, she makes her way back.

Holding in front of my sunny face, a beautiful, pristine, perfect in size, unblemished lemon.

"And a Daddy one" she smiles.

I fake a smile back.

Fucken Daddy my arse, why's Mummy the deformed stuffed up rotten lemon with size issues???

Why's Daddy so bloody perfect aye??

I want to be the pretty lemon - ***** cries *******

Awkward Question ....

I want honesty and honesty alone.

No talking it up, no talking it down.

I want and need to know the answer to this question, may even graph the results if enough of you buggers answer me.

HOW MANY TIMES A WEEK (ON AVERAGE) DO YOU AND YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER HAVE SEX?

You hear the radio station polls, you see the Dolly and Cleo polls, but I want truth, from real people, in real relationships with real issues.