I mean true, heart jump into your throat, fear?
I never really have..... up until yesterday that is!!
It was late arvo and we were doing the Sunday evening thing. Kids getting ready for their first day back at school, I was cooking dinner and Blair was pottering in the lounge.
All of a sudden Blair says "Where's Phoebe?"
I thought she was in the lounge with you.
She'll be in her room or in with the older kids.
And so started the frantic search.
What was only four minutes but seemed like a lifetime of sheer fear followed.
We shouted our way around the house screaming out her name.
We searched under beds, in the shower, in wardrobes, behind curtains.
We were both in panic mode.
She had been just there with us.
She was gone!!
Blair opened up the garage.
I could see the same fear in Blair's face that I felt.
It was a terrifying feeling.
Someone had taken her, she'd wandered up to the gate and some fucken fruit loop had taken our baby girl.
We both started to shake.
Here she is, said Ben.
The little toerag had climbed up under the dining table and snuggled up on the chairs like a cat and gone to sleep.
The sense of relief was hugely intense but while in the panic, the million and one things that had gone through my head, well - it's fucken amazing how fast and furious the brain throws things at you while you are in fight or flight mode.
I had images of telling my parents, the police being here, the sheer grief that my life was going to be filled with from that moment forward.
It damn near took hard liquor for me to calm down.
Have you ever had a similar panic, doesn't have to be child related?