Monday, October 8, 2007

Ever Felt Fear?

I mean true, heart jump into your throat, fear?

I never really have..... up until yesterday that is!!

It was late arvo and we were doing the Sunday evening thing. Kids getting ready for their first day back at school, I was cooking dinner and Blair was pottering in the lounge.

All of a sudden Blair says "Where's Phoebe?"

I thought she was in the lounge with you.


She'll be in her room or in with the older kids.


And so started the frantic search.

What was only four minutes but seemed like a lifetime of sheer fear followed.

We shouted our way around the house screaming out her name.

We searched under beds, in the shower, in wardrobes, behind curtains.

We were both in panic mode.

She had been just there with us.

She was gone!!

Blair opened up the garage.


I could see the same fear in Blair's face that I felt.

It was a terrifying feeling.

Someone had taken her, she'd wandered up to the gate and some fucken fruit loop had taken our baby girl.

We both started to shake.

Then .....

Here she is, said Ben.

The little toerag had climbed up under the dining table and snuggled up on the chairs like a cat and gone to sleep.

The sense of relief was hugely intense but while in the panic, the million and one things that had gone through my head, well - it's fucken amazing how fast and furious the brain throws things at you while you are in fight or flight mode.

I had images of telling my parents, the police being here, the sheer grief that my life was going to be filled with from that moment forward.

It damn near took hard liquor for me to calm down.

Have you ever had a similar panic, doesn't have to be child related?

Do share.


Cazzie!!! said...

OMG, yes I sure have, with our little one Mia, she went to sleep while playing hide and seek and we found her asleep under her bed..bloody frightens ya to death doesn't it?

Kitty said...

sweet jebus! i am so glad that the little poppet was ok. yes i have. my 2.5 year old managed to escape from our house when he was about 18 months old. i was pregnant and i didn't know how long he'd been gone. i ran up the street in a bra and undies with a huge preggers belly screaming like a loon. i was literally bare foot and pregnant love. he was three streets away, standing in the middle of the road. the moment he saw me (from quite a distance) he hot footed it in the other direction which was directly toward a very busy road. i have never, and will never run so fast in all my life. i also cried for several days. even now i cry when i think about it. i had no idea where he was, if he'd gone into a yard, been snatched or taken to a police station, or if he was crying and calling for me. pure hell.

Lynda said...

Fear... hell yes! Like today when Fletcher fell head first out of the grocery trolly... or for me, my most fearful time was out sailing years ago in the Cook Straight (dangerous place for sailing) and the weather turned suddenly and I went into total shock with fear. Luckily I wasn't the one sailing.

Chris H said...

Being the mother of 8, I am afraid I have had quite a few of those "absolute abject fear" moments... in fact I have living wide awake NIGHTMARES about what could happen to our kids on a regular basis. Makes for lots of grey hair and wrinkles let me tell you! So glad your wee girl was 100% ok!

Lynda said...

Hey Jules, yeah I know all that stuff about top styles and I live in V necks and flattering styles. That's why people don't realise I have such an issue with clothes. My swimsuit is over 8 years old and I just can't find anything that both fits and holds my boobs. I dream of the day that I can fit a normal bra.... :)

Em said...

Thank god you found her!!I was grocery shopping with my nearly 3yo and she slipped away in the vegie section and I was hugely pregnant and yelling her name and looking like an idiot, but it scares the crappers outta ya, its awful....she was 'hiding' under the shelves. All I could picture was a bloody pedo spraypainting her hair, cutting it and running outta the shop...Something you never want to imagine...

Heidi said...

Oh, thank god it turned out to be a little bit funny situation :) But I know how you felt.
I recall 2 such situations.
Once, when my 2-year old boy was with my parents-in-law in their summer cottage, my father-in-law called me in my office (he never calls there) and started to tell slowly that I should not get scared or anything but they have searched for my boy for half an hour already and they cannot find him anywhere. The garden was closed and they had searched everywhere inside and outside the house. I was 200 kms away and scared like hell. They called back in 15 minutes to inform me that they found my boy. He was sound asleep behind the arm chair in the living room and didn't have the slightest idea of being lost :)
The other time was when I traveled thru Europe and in Poland we ate breakfast in a little café. We left the place and went to the car, which was approximately 300 meters away. In the car I realized that I had left my bag with all the documents and money and cell phone to hang on the chair. I believe that Kenyan athletes have never run so fast 300 meter distance as I run then. And I am amazed how much I managed to think on the way - how I am without money and documents in some unknown Polish village... That was scary, too.
I hope you don't need to experience such feeling ever again.

~Miss Smack said...

Gorgeous photos, just beautiful. Yes i've had similar experiences like this. Two in fact that tore my heart out, and smashed it on the footpath. I was thinking drugs, liquor, funeral, pedophilia, burying my girl.. all that stuff.

When I did find her, all hell broke loose.

She'd just decided to 'stay in the library for a couple of hours' instead of catching the bus home from school. Didn't think to call oh no, thats not what we bought you a mobile phone for, ARGH!


Anne said...

Two majors in our life. Our son went missing in a department store, to start with I didn't panic, just knew he was there somewhere, but no. Then out into the street, no son. I ended up at the police station, husband on his way over. The police looked for about an hour on foot. Then told me there was nothing I could do but take the other two kids home and they would get out patrol cars. I walked back to the car in tears, and there he was - sitting in the gutter beside the car!!! Phew.

Earlier this year had a phone call from our daughter asking if I had picked up Devin, our grandson from school, I hadn't as he was booked into after school care this day. But he hadn't turned up!! This was almost an hour later. Panic mode - I really thought he had been abducted. Little rascal had decided he didn't want to go and had opted to play in the sand pit. He didn't realise that anyone would be bothered. They hadn't seen him there, despite searching, itr was his dad that had coem down and found him. Another big breath of relief. Do know how you were feeling!!!

danzer1986 said...

hey thanks for the comment
isorry! lol yea i made my font bigger
what a scary thing! oh and she was just on the chair sleeping all nested up with her pacifier.. aww she is a so sweet and absolute angel i can se why u were so frantic

well iyea panic once when i thought i lost my money for my tuition
like 50,000 dollrs
but the back just slipped up
lol i know

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margbart said...

I am scared to tell you this but we as a family have lived thru this, my 2 year old nephew went missing at a playgroup, everyone was searching for him even in the streets, saying no way could he get into the swimmimg pool which was really secure and had a cover on, but yes he had, he had climbed over the fence in a flash using a pot plant, walked on the cover and disappeared under, we will never ever get over this, it haunts us day and night, for my brother, his family and the owners of the swimming pool, Life is precious, his was snuffed out in a moment...R I P baby Declan 1998-2001

Kate said...

Ugh, how terrifying! So glad she was ok.. and what gorgeous photos of her.

I've had those moments before.. usually nursing related. One vivid one I remember is a bit gory.. but I was working on a vascular ward (where they fix old smokers dead legs!).. and this old man had just had surgery.. and he rang the emergency bell one morning when we were in handover.. and his room was the furtherest from the nursing station.. like miles, and I went to tell him off (he'd been in hospital for MONTHS so he knew he should never ring the emergency bell).. and I walked into his room and he was facing away from me.. and I could hear a noise like he was peeing on the floor.. and I as I turned the corner around his bed.. I saw that no... it was not pee... it was blood.. bright red blood, spurting out of god knows where, and he promptly went unconcious on me and fell onto the floor (he only had one leg), now that, was one of the most terrifying experiences of my life! And that is why whenever my patients ring the bell (any bell, not just the emergency one) I go straight away, just in case!

Name: Lynise said...

Hi Jules,

Just finally catching up with blogs. Have only read todays entry but will catch up on the rest tonight when I am home from work.

I have had several of those hideous moments when you think something horrific has happened. (or will happen)

One was similar to yours in that I lost Evianah in the biggest shopping mall on the Gold Coast. She was missing for almost two hours and I was an absolute basket case after about the first 15mins. I initially lost her in coles, supermarket, and wasn't too concerned as she was six and I thought she had wandered into another aisle, but when I realised it looked like she had left the store I didn't know what to do. The security people where fantastic and about 40mins into the search police arrived. And get this, this shopping mall has NO loud speaker on which to make a public announcement. (and still don't to this day) So we were literally running into individual stores describing her to everyone.

After about an hour I was convinced she must have been taken by some pediphile and actually went down to the carpark to check someone wasn't driving away with her. It was awful. The worst experience of my life.

A close second was when she was swimming at Piha with Warren and they both got caught in a rip. (also a terrible moment as I stood on the beach helpless)

The other one happened about ten years ago when I discovered one of my brothers had done something and the police actually thought it was me. As I sat in a police cell being questioned (about fraud) I thought I was going to end up in prison. At the time I was being questioned we had no clue who had actually done it but police seemed convinced it was me. I felt absolutely sick to my stomach. It took about 3 weeks for the truth to come out, but I don't think I slept at all over those weeks.

It turned out my brother had been a minor participant and got off with community service, while the main guy got 2 years in jail. I am still ticked off that my brother knew what had happened and knew he was involved but chose not to stand up and tell the truth, instead he let the police think it was me. (hows that for family betrayal.)

Helena said...

I sent a scathing txt to a friend about my boss, I think I called him a "cock" ... anyways ... um I got a txt back from him saying "huh?" and realised I'd sent it to him by mistake ... what the hell was I thinking????? my career flashed before my eyes and I got that sick feeling. Got it all cleared up in the end but geeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzz!

I've had a few of those "moments" over my lifetime and they are just awful! Glad everything worked out ok for you guys! :)

Wanna_B_slim said...

Nothing like that has happened to me that i can think of right now... but oh how scarey!!!
You poor thing...Like you havent had enough going on!!!

crankybee said...

Hey chick - send or post a pic of the rings together! I wanna see!

Glad you found my blog

Miss Beck said...

Holy shit. So pleased you found her.

Off to catch up on EVERTHING!!

Spiky Zora Jones said...

Yikes...that's scary. I know what you mean. That has happened to us too.

At first when we couldn't find him...I was crying and frantic. only god. I rushed out the back sliding door and ran to the swimming pool and jumped in...nothing. Then I heard my g/f call me from inside saying she found the little prince sleeping under his bed.

I have never ever cried so hard my whole life.

Wanna_B_slim said...

Oh Jules... Big hugs to you...and well.. seems it is a public holiday here tomorrow means i dont have to go to work.. which means in my mind it is friday today..and that means i can have copious amounts of scotch.. so i will have some for you too!!! hehe... take care chick..

Jo said...

Oh babe - that must have been hideous. Thank god you found her.

Still working on the chiropractor recommendation for that part of the country - stand by for more info!

LOVING your new blog. So much more you.


Mellisa said...

Being a mother is such an experience isn't it .... Glad she was ok!!

Whoever I want to be said...

Oh how cute - love the purple shame it is a Holden ;). Hope all is going well?

Lee-Anne said...

when my nick was 5 he disappeared on his bike. I thought he was in the bedroom playing but it was matt and his friend. I went to dish dinner up and he was gone. I had the neighbours and my friends all looking. Phoned everyone I could think. I knew I had to phone the Police but for the life of me - I couldn't remember what he was wearing. I was beside myself. Just as I was about to phone he rides up on his bike, happy as larry. I don't mind telling you I put him over my knee and gave him a whack for leaving without telling and sent him to his room and then broke down into a pathetic mess. Then there was the time I woke up bolt upright knowing it was too damned quiet, I slept too long, to find the window open and the kid gone. Yes, Jules I've had a few of those moments in my time.

Thanks for stopping by the new blog too. Look forward to any ideas coming from someone who's still "fresh" from the glo.

Tania said...

Oh good, talk about a mother's worst nightmare! I know I went through HEAPS of terrifying fears when my baby was just a newborn but a lot of that was over protectiveness following 3 miscarriages, I can't imagine what the fear you were feeling was like. Glad she was found safe and well!