Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Hot Shit/Cold Fart

You've heard of What's Hot and What's Not columns??

Well this is my version.

Hot Shit:

Phoenix Organic Cola made with natural cola nut, organic cane sugar, lemon juice and carbonated water. It tastes divine and was on special at Woolies for $6 a four pack this week!!

Hollie Smith

NZ's soul diva, a pocket sized full of attitude and personal power, she has the best voice I've heard in an age. Shes sexy and tattooed up:

Healtheries Chamomile and Honey Herbal Tea

Tastes divine and completely chills this bitch out:

Cold Farts

Neighbours with Pidgeons

What the fuck is up with your fucken fat dirty birds and their insistence on coming and shitting on my house, washing and everywhere else on my property? I have no guilt in sending my dog out to run after them. I will yell "get those fucken birds" and will feel no shame in doing so, especially as you have no shame in burning your rubbish in a drum at my back fence every bloody day. Next week you are likely to get a flipping hose pointed your way.

Having a Disability and Milking It

Okay, may cop some flack for this one, but I was at the docs yesterday and a chick in a wheelchair who had cerebral palsy, (now I am no doctor but had a friend with it when I was younger and my experience with her and Steady Eddy led me to believe that this is what it was)was just leaving at the same time as me. She got a hand out the door, said she couldn't pay her bill, well mumbled it but you could understand what she was saying, and then proceeded to leave. As I drove past I saw her using her feet to pull herself along the footpath in her chair and I felt really sorry for her, thinking she may have no use of her hands and their the bitch was texting on her mobile phone!! No money to pay the doc but plenty to be texting aye??? Aye?? Okay that was a bit harsh but still?

Trade Me Losers

We have trade me in NZ, you elsewhere may have eBay, they are all the same. On Trade Me I currently have a tent that has been barely used for sale. It didn't sell on first listing but had over 50 "watchers" who I offered the tent to for a grand at the close of auction. A couple denied and the other 45 or so just didn't bother! So I relisted with a wee comment at the bottom about not offering to watchers this time, your choice to bid or not, blah diddy blah and this fuckwit left a comment saying that people can watch if they want and it doesn't mean they have to bid and I am probably overpriced anyway and he was going to become a watcher just out of curiousity, in other words to fuck me off. And it fucken did. I replied with a lot of restraint and if you want to hear what I said then you'll have to go to the auction here and look at comments at bottom.

As a side note, have posted shit about my fat arse and my attempts at making it less fat over at Gluten Free Geisha.


Chris H said...

Got a slug gun? Shoot the fucken pidgeons! I would. Milking disabilities... yep seen lots do that, just want to hit them. Trade me... watchers.... been there too. Good luck selling the tent, want some roof racks, going cheap on Trade Me! ha ha ha

Miss Beck said...

Do you need a hug?


The ironic thing is, if you start that bloody auction at $500, all those fuckwits would have outbid each other and probably ended up paying over $1000 anyway. Its a weird thing those auctions.

Pigeons? *shudders* Not sure about that situation. Grin and bare it til Australia? But then you have to contend with the galahs.

crankybee said...

She doesn't need a hug Beck - she needs to be LAUGHED AT! YOU FREAK OF A KIWI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I watch shit all the time on trade me and ebay because I'm BORED! In fact...I'm gunna watch that tent! :PPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

Love ya. Now how did I miss you were moving over here? Where to? Bloody QLD, I bet!

Danni said...

You are one funny biatch!

Sandra said...

Looks like a great tent... Why didn't you want to take it with you? I'm sure camping in Oz would be cool too.

My English partner doesn't get camping...